A new client said last week, “I want to start living my life instead of feeling like my life is living me.” I speak with so many people who share this feeling. They have long (or even multiple) ‘have to’ lists that don’t leave any time for their ‘want to’ list.
There was a great a great article in Business Week a few weeks ago called The Stop-Doing List:(http://www.businessweek.com/managing/content/dec2010/ca2010126_748962.htm), which started out with this quote from Warren Buffet:
The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say "no" to almost everything.
The article was targeted to businesses, but there are some great lessons that can be applied to you individually for focusing on what’s essential. The key point is to stop having a To Do list and start making a Stop Doing list. Great quote: What's the difference between the two? The essentials are emotional; the important is rational. The essentials go on a to-die-for list; the important you put on a to-do list.
Here are 3 steps you can take to start getting back into the driver’s seat of your life:
Step 1: Stop meandering and get really clear about what you want. I can hear you now saying, really Pam? Really! I’m surprised by how many people don’t know what they want.
What’s your dream job and how would you like to spend your non-working time? Not the “OMG I just won the lottery” fantasy, but your “I want to make this happen” dream. Can you describe your dream job even if you can’t put a job title to it? Do you spend hours in front of the tube or indulging in activities that self-medicate but are actually taking you in the opposite direction from your goals to get healthy or get a handle on your spending? Get really clear about what you want to make happen in your life and more importantly get in touch with the ‘why.’ Make a dream board or other visual reminder of your dream and put it where you’ll see it every day. Then identify small changes you can make to begin down that road.
Step 2: Stop overcommiting and agreeing to do things that don’t serve your goals and your life. It’s not selfish to ask what’s in it for me (WIIFM) next time you get asked to volunteer or contribute your time to something whether it’s at work or in your personal life. Sometimes you don’t have a choice, but oftentimes you do.
Get strategic about what you agree to and understand what’s in it for you. It feels great to help a friend you care about - you’d do anything for them. And there’s no more rewarding way to spend your time than volunteering or otherwise supporting a cause you’re passionate about. But if you get asked to spend time on something that’s not important to you by someone who isn’t part of your inner circle, ask WIIFM.
Making a choice to spend your time with people you care about working towards goals that will make your life your best life isn’t selfish. It’s being strategic about how you allocate your precious time. When you’re contributing your best, the world benefits. When you’re slogging through an obligation with a frown on your face, no one benefits.
Step 3: Stop being afraid of failure. OK, that’s way easier said than done. How about an attitude adjustment regarding failure? Try this: you only fail when you stop trying to accomplish your dream. Zigs and zags along the way are just lessons to be learned and strategies to be adjusted. Some things may not work out as planned, you may change your mind, you might even fall flat on your face. Big breath in, and get moving anyway. Then take your learnings and either try something new or decide to walk away. The key is to make a conscious decision based on what you want.
Are you taking responsibility for your destiny and your happiness or are you delegating that responsibility to your partner, your boss, or your own bad habits? What’s on your ‘to-die-for’ list? If you need help and support along the way, give me a call.
Boy, this blog hit home Pam! I need a stop doing list pronto!
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you! What resonated with me was emotional things go on the to-die-for list, and rational things go on the to-do list. I'd much rather focus on my to-die-for list, and I've been working on differentiating between them. It's tax time, so it's easy to recognize that task as a "to-do" vs a "to-die-for" activity. There's always going to be something on your to-do list, but sorting into piles of: to-die-for and have-to-do left me with a bunch of things that didn't fit either category which became my stop-doing list. As Marcia Wieder says, "Do it or dump it."
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