Overcoming Your Doubts

Have you ever noticed voices in your head?  Our ego - our sense of self - has multiple parts including a cast of Inner Protectors.  These Inner Protectors’ job it is to keep us safe. Back in the day, they helped us determine who was friendly and who was not, how we should behave, and in combination with our instincts and intuition generally kept us from getting eaten or murdered.

For most of us, the level of daily danger and peril has really come down in the past few thousand years, but our Inner Protectors are still on the job. Today they’re the source of our doubts and limiting beliefs.  When things are going well and we’re functioning inside our comfort zone, these voices are quiet.  But contemplate something new or different, something “dangerous,” and these inner protectors start talking.  The bigger the change or the further outside our comfort zone we contemplate, the louder those voices become. 

I’ve identified 3 main voices for me:  a Risk Manager, a Critic, and a Skeptic.  You may have some of these same voices or perhaps you have an Image Consultant, a Judge, a Cynic, or a Cry Baby.

The picture in my mind’s eye of the Risk Manager is an old-fashioned banker.  He wears a dark pin-striped suit and smokes cigars.  He’s very condescending, and wants to make sound decisions.  When I decided to leave a corporate career and start a coaching business I felt strongly that if I didn’t do it now, I never would.  My heart was in charge of the decision, so I had to spend a lot of time arguing with my logical and data-driven Risk Manager (and a few friends), who said,  “Hmmmmmm… you do read the news, don’t you?  We’re in a recession; do you understand what that means? You don’t have unlimited money, and you’ve never run your own business.  This sounds risky.  I need to see a budget and business plan.”

When I think of my Critic, I see the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live.  “Well…aren’t you just special? There are thousands of coaches; why would anybody hire you?”  It took me a year to get a website up and running because nothing was ever good enough for my inner Critic.  

My Skeptic voice is quick on the draw and has a panicky edge.  I was at a seminar in March, and walking into my hotel room after a long day I had an epiphany.  That’s the only word I can think of to describe the feeling.  A voice – strong and sure – said “I’m going to get 100,000 people to contribute to Women for Women International in a year.”  It came out of the blue, but the voice and the goal were so clear.  Just as I was thinking, Wow, where did that come from, another frantic voice screamed:  “How the hell are you going to do that?”  It hit me upside the head and was so immediate and adamant, it made me laugh.

My Inner Protectors are there to keep me safe, but I used to give them too much power.  They kept me from taking chances and pursing my dreams.  So I had to develop a different strategy:  I turned them into an advisory committee.  When those voices pop up, I just say, OK, I’ve got a pencil and paper, I’m listening, give me your list of concerns.  The Risk Manager usually wants more information, the Critic is concerned about quality, and the Skeptic wants to know the plan. 

Those things then become part of the solution rather than being unmovable obstacles that stop me in my tracks.  Try that strategy next time you hear an inner voice planting seeds of doubt and tickling your limiting beliefs.