This got me to thinking about the rest of us non-famous people who feel we have to become someone else in order to succeed. Perhaps your company has an aggressive, win at all costs culture while you strive to create a win/win for everyone. Your collaborative nature and skills in bringing people together are not appreciated and may even be criticized. Or perhaps you have a strong get-it-done drive and find that you’re working with people who are more concerned with appearances than results.
Trying to morph yourself into something you’re not, toiling away every day not being acknowledged and appreciated for all the great things you are is stressful and demotivating. After awhile it can even begin to chip away at your self-esteem to the point where you start thinking the characteristics that best define you are your biggest faults. Don’t go there!
If you’re feeling like you have to assume a role in order to fit in or succeed, it’s likely you’re in the wrong situation for you right now. Perhaps it was the right situation at some time, but not anymore.
Step one is to acknowledge and appreciate your best self for yourself. No one else can do this for you. And although it’s nice to get positive feedback and reinforcement, nothing anyone else says can make you accept yourself. But once you do, nothing anyone else says can knock you down. Don’t put off this inner journey by believing you have to wait until something is different. Start today, where you are. You don’t need to get that promotion, lose those 30 pounds, or meet the man/woman of your dreams to start seeing the best in yourself.
I read some great advice this morning, which I’m happy to pass on to you. Next time you find yourself doubting something that’s integral to who you are, try saying, “I love that about me.” Don’t worry about believing it – just say it. Do you cry at the drop of a hat? Perhaps you care so deeply about things that it manifests itself physically. Say, “I love that about me.” Are you an introvert whose job requires you to put aside your private nature? Instead of saying, “I wish I were more outgoing,” why not say, “I love that about me.”
I know my own efforts to change in order to fit someone else’s expectations were a waste. I am who I am no matter how hard I try to be different. One example: I have a wicked sense of humor, and the more challenging the environment or situation, the more my humor comes out. I suppose it’s a coping mechanism and my way of helping alleviate my stress and the stress of others. I have been advised by multiple managers in the past to be more ‘professional,’ and because of this I’ve always felt a bit dowdy around really polished corporate types. But you know what? I love my sense of humor. It’s one of my favorite things about me!
This is not an excuse to indulge in all of your vices and bad habits which reduce the quality of your life. Those need to be dealt with. But recognize, acknowledge and appreciate the core of who you are, right now.
Reading another blurb in a magazine last week, Beyonce´ said: “I don’t need [Sasha Fierce] anymore. I know who I am [now].” While I’m not a rabid Beyonce´ fan, I’m interested to see how she evolves her act now that she’s accepting and appreciating her true self.
How will you evolve? Take out a piece of paper, write I love that about me! and think of at least ten characteristics that describe you at your core. If you’d like help with this, I’m here for you (pnorton93@comcast.net).
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