Clear the Clutter

In early December I went to visit my dear friend who lives in sunny San Diego.  As usual we did girlfriend things – went out for dinners, to see a movie, walked on the beach with her dogs.  But most importantly we spent two days cleaning out and organizing her closet. 

My friend’s job requires her to commute to a different city three days a week, so she lives a third of the time out of a suitcase. Also, her weight has fluctuated down then up again over the past two years leaving her with two different wardrobes.  Her closet had become an energy-sucking abyss filled with dry cleaning bags, stuff on the floor, baskets of unfolded laundry, and reminders of her battle with her weight.  She hated going in there and dreaded Monday nights when she had to pack for the week.  It was increasingly a source of stress, and as it got worse and worse, she finally couldn’t deny the impact.

So we dug in.  My mantra for the start of any project is: what would success look and feel like?  Other key questions include:  What did she want her closet to do for her?  What adjectives describe her dream closet?

At the end of two days we had donated all the clothes and jewelry she didn’t want anymore, moved all the clothes she wanted to keep but weren’t in season to another room out of sight/out of mind leaving just the things she currently wore and loved.  This required a lot of decision making.  Some decisions were easy (Do you really need to keep that necklace that you used to wear to work in 1986?) some were harder.  We just kept going back to her answers to those key questions. In the end she got a functional, tidy and pretty closet that even now almost three months later makes her smile.  She’s inspired to declutter other rooms in her house, and eventually we’ll get to the garage.

Hanging on to things that don’t work for you anymore, that you’ve grown out of, grown away from, or evolved beyond drains your energy. Denise Linn, author of  Feng Shui for the Soul, says "clutter-clearing is modern-day alchemy." Every time you are willing to let go and clear out what no longer fits, the rest of your life steps up to the plate and you create space for amazing opportunity, creativity, and serendipity.

Clutter is more than just physical stuff.  What else is cluttering up your life?

Do you have habits that don’t work for you?  You know that vegging in front of the television for hours every night eating junk food isn’t contributing to your fitness goals, but you do it anyway.   Knowing is not the same as doing, and the pull of ingrained bad habits is very strong. 

Are you hanging onto relationships that drain your energy, yet you don’t know how to disengage?  You can’t always walk away from toxic, energy-sucking people; e.g., when they’re your family.  If you have any of these vampires in your life, you need to be really clear about what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t and establish clear boundaries.

Are you carrying around beliefs about yourself that may have served a useful purpose at some time, but that don’t reflect who you are today?  Many of us developed a protective layer and a story as a result of emotional wounds.  This armor helps you feel safe but it also keeps your true self, your essence, trapped behind a wall.  If you’re seeking more meaning in your life and want to be accepted and appreciated for who you are, how can this happen when the real you is locked away?

It can be really scary to let go - to let go of things we spent money on, that we might have loved at one time, that hold memories, that protect us, that help our life feel safe and familiar.  But if you want to make changes, pursue your dreams, open yourself up to new experiences and new relationships, you need to clear away the clutter of what’s not working for you anymore. 

So get that broom out and start sweeping!

Choose Your Attitude

On New Year’s Eve 1984 I drove into Los Angeles and headed over to Marina del Rey to the corporate apartment my employer rented for my first month in a new city.  I moved from Seattle to LA for a job promotion – I was going to work at headquarters.  At first I was very homesick.  I had moved to LA not knowing anyone, and I was so lonely.  I would walk around the Marina at night and cry.  I missed the green of the Northwest, I missed my friends, I missed the feeling of knowing my way around.  Fortunately I found a great apartment a couple of blocks from Redondo Beach.  But I wasn’t happy.  I hated my job, and I hated everything about LA:  the commute, the smog, the long distances, the heat, the people.

When I sat down for my New Year’s Eve ritual one year later I was a miserable piece of work of my own creation. I had spent the past year actively hating my life.  But I had to admit that I had created this life through my choices.  That night I promised myself that if I was still miserable a year from now, I could go home.  But I would only allow myself to do that if I spent the year sincerely trying to enjoy my life.  Then, if I was still unhappy I could move back to Seattle. 

While LA never became ‘home’ for me, I spent seven years there.  I progressed in my career, made some wonderful friends who are still part of my life today, joined the art museum, started going to movies and concerts, and spent a lot of time walking and jogging at the beach.  I love the ocean at dusk – it’s one thing I still miss. 

The turning point for me was standing up and taking responsibility for my life and the path I had chosen.  Finding the good wasn’t easy at first.  It was so much easier to focus on what I didn’t like – I mean it was right there in my face every day.  It took a lot more effort to seek and create circumstances I enjoyed.

That extra effort paid off in spades.  I moved back to Seattle in late 1991 feeling very empowered. I knew, and I still know, that I am capable of building a great life for myself.

Last week we finalized the sale of my mother’s beautiful house, and she moved into a retirement home where the care she needs and a couple of good friends are close at hand.  On the night before she moved she asked, “what if I don’t like it?”  She was understandably scared.  She had lived in her house for 30 years surrounded by space, light, things she loved, and a quiet and secure neighborhood.  She hadn’t lived in a small, shared-wall apartment since her early 20’s. 

What if she doesn’t like it?  Well, so far she hates it.  There is bound to be a settling in period, and it will probably never feel like home to her.  She feels like she’s living in “God’s waiting room,” although it’s the nicest waiting room we were able to find and afford in the area.  But there’s no going back, there’s only moving forward. 

So we had the talk – you can choose to hate it everyday or you can start to look around for things you like.  It will take her some time to turn her attitude around, and I suppose she’ll come to feel it’s a blessing and a curse to have a daughter who’s a coach to remind her that her feelings and attitude are her own choice.

What about you?  How much responsibility are you taking for your circumstances?  Are you choosing to look for the good or are you taking the easy road and only seeing the bad that’s in your face every day?  I would love to be your guide and support partner when you’re ready to begin creating the life you want.

Dare to Dream

What’s your dream job, dream sweetheart, dream house, dream place to live, dream lifestyle? Do those questions excite you or do they scare you?  If you’re excited by the prospect of having something different in your life, yet intimidated to go for it that means you’re dreaming big, and that’s a good thing!  Or do you want to stop reading right now because you’re thinking:  why bother with my dreams, or I don’t have any dreams, or who has time for this.

My wish for you is that you embrace the new year and begin the journey to reconnect with your dreams.  Look forward and listen to the messages sent by your heart to burst out and move towards a life you love.

Is fear of failure stopping you?  Have you tried before, but failed?  We often think if we’ve tried and failed, we shouldn’t try again, and who needs that disappointment.  However, if your dream is still speaking to you, take an honest look at your previous efforts, accept your learnings from the past, but leave the baggage.  If at first you don’t succeed, figure out what to do different and try, try again.

One common obstacle is getting bogged down because you can’t figure out ‘how.’  So, don’t think about things from start to finish, try the reverse. Sit quietly and imagine what you will feel when you accomplish your dream.  What will be different in your life and what will be different in the world?  Get really specific and detailed with this description.  You might even do some type of dream board with pictures of your dream.  Then start asking yourself questions.  Once you get a list of questions, you can begin to investigate the answers.  If your dream is to live six months of the year in Paris, what type of job would you need to be able to do that?  How much money would you need?  I mean, do you even speak French? 

Make a project out of it even if it turns out to be a multi-year project. Staying put when it’s part of your bigger plan can change your whole perspective on your current situation.  Identify things you can do today to move towards your dream.  Do your Paris dreams include shopping for food in the outdoor markets?  Go to the local farmers markets and take a French cooking class.  For your next vacation, rent an apartment in Paris and live like a local for two weeks.  Once you’re in motion, it’s easier to keep going. I love the story of John Grisham.  He was a practicing attorney who finished his first two novels, A Time to Kill and The Firm, by getting up early and writing for one hour every day.

Don’t feel like you have to go it alone.   Find somebody who has achieved what you dream of.  Ask them what they did first, and get some tips on how to get started.  Also consider using a life coach like me.  Together we’ll examine why you can’t get moving on a particular area of your life and uncover what’s holding you back.

Whatever happens, you will achieve some kind of a result, even if it’s not the result you were expecting.  Sometimes our dreams come true in unexpected ways.

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