New Beginnings

October 30 is an important day in my life.  It was 14 years ago today that my Dad died, and it was one year ago today that I walked out of the office and said goodbye to my job at Washington Mutual after 10 years.  On this one day I allow myself to wallow in sadness remembering loved ones and dear friends who I miss so much.

But with each ending has come a new beginning.  An essential part of every hero’s journey is the loss of a mentor, someone who provided guidance and made the hero feel safe.  For Harry Potter it was Dumbledore, and for Luke Skywalker it was the loss of Obi Wan.  Karen Blixen (aka Isak Dinesen) lost just about everything in Africa – her health, her money, the love of her life.  She then moved back to her family in Denmark and became one of literature’s most beloved writers.

Loss is a sad but essential step on anyone’s journey, and it doesn’t have to be a death to qualify as a loss.  But through loss the hero is forced to tap into all they’ve learned, to stand on their own and come into their true potential.  Grieving is important, but even more important is how you create a new beginning from your loss.  What will you chose? 

One experience I’ve chosen many times in my career is going to work for a new company taking a job that at a lower level job than what I had left.  When I got laid off as International Product Development Manager at First Interstate Bank in 1991 I moved back to Seattle, played around with running a dress shop, worked for a year as a contractor in a bank that got bought, then got a job with a software company as a temp secretary.  Getting any job in a new industry was interesting and challenging for me.  Also, my self-confidence was not high, so I didn’t think I’d qualify for anything more senior.  After a year I moved up the ranks to project manager, and then after couple of years I got re-org’d to managing product localization, which was an orphan function in a company that wanted to grow international revenues.  I did that job so well that management decided to make localization an integral part of the software development process, and the need for a separate department was gone as was my job.  So I got a job with one of the localization vendors as a sales person.  I had never done sales before so I was back to square one. I sucked at sales! But I applaud myself for being willing to go back to being a beginner – like when I took up ballroom dancing at the age of 39.  I love that about me!

Now, after leaving the corporate environment I’m a beginner again.  Learning to work for myself without an existing structure of goals and processes (and financing) has been a challenge, but I’m learning loads every day from my clients and my experiences.

If you find yourself reeling from a loss and therefore on the threshold of a new beginning (even if you can’t see it yet), you have an exciting, enlightening, and kinda scary time ahead.  Here are two things to keep in mind:

• Give yourself credit for capabilities and knowledge you’ve accumulated that can be put to use in any situation. Try to ‘unbrand’ your experience.  You may have a background in one industry or one type of situation, but think of your experience in generic terms.  In fact, don’t limit your experience gained on the job just to other job situations.  Think of your life as a whole.
• Develop a ‘beginner’s mind.’  If you’re feeling insecure about being a newbie, rather than trying to fake it, have an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions.  You'll learn faster.  One famous saying is:  In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.   

Hiring a coach is a great way to get support, new perspectives, and an accountability buddy.  I know you can do it, and I’d love to partner with you on this stage of your journey – I’ve been there. 

6 Step Program for Negative Attitude Addiction

Are you unhappy in your current job and planning to look for something else when the job market recovers? Poor business results, downsizing, offshoring and rampant fear are just some of the factors chipping away at job satisfaction. Every day I hear about people who are miserable but have made a conscious decision to stay put for now.

But don’t let the challenges of your current situation undermine your ability to find something better down the road. Before planning your next move, make sure your confidence is in tip top shape. Putting together a powerful resume and search strategy takes confidence and perspective. Choosing to network and sell yourself takes courage and persistence, even in a good economy.

So what can you do now to build your confidence? Well, how is your daily attitude, your state of mind, right now? Would you hire you? Or do you:

• Complain to coworkers, family & friends about your crummy job, in fact that’s all you seem to talk about?
• Find fault with everything - do you actively look for things to gripe about?
• Allow your worst self to come out because you just don’t care what other people think of you or how you impact them?

You don’t have to love your job, but a long term goal of wanting something better in the future needs to be more important. If you’re feeling hopeless you may be caught in a destructive cycle – addicted to your negativity. Addicts can’t help themselves. The short-term pleasure of release and the feeling of superiority from finding fault outweighs everything else.

Break this cycle and take charge of creating your brighter future. Here is my 6 step program for overcoming a negative attitude addiction:

Step 1: Admit you have a problem, and the problem isn’t your job or your stupid boss, or the economy. You may be unhappy with these things and feel justified, but that thinking won’t move you forward. The problem that needs to be solved is your attitude, and you’re in the drivers’ seat.

Step 2: Take a personal inventory. Be brutally honest and get specific. If this is difficult, ask for perspective from someone you trust or hire a coach to help. Be open to seeing things that aren’t pretty, but don’t judge or feel bad about yourself. Just recognize your behavior and the results. Name it and own it.

Step 3: Make amends. You’ve probably done some reputational damage with the very people you need for a reference. Business 101: don’t burn bridges. If you don’t want to openly acknowledge you’ve been an ogre, try a softer approach. Don’t worry about being ‘Suzy Sunshine’ – just make an honest effort.

Step 4: Try on a new code of behavior. Don’t cause whiplash by trying to suddenly become someone else. Identify those situations that bring out your worst, and develop strategies to keep your ogre from appearing. Tape your mouth shut if you have to. It’s not the magnitude of the changes – consistency and persistence are the keys here.

Step 5: Take it one day at a time, or as Dale Carnegie taught: live in day-tight compartments. Instead of looking for things to complain about, look for the good in each day, even if it’s only what you had for lunch.

Step 6: Be a positive influence. Why not take all those brains, all that skill, all of those great leadership qualities you’re going to highlight on your resume and turn them into a force for good right now? Nothing will build your confidence more than knowing that you can deliver value and be a constructive and positive contributor in any business climate, not just the good times. If you’re saying, “but no one will recognize and reward me for this,” then you’ve got your eye on the wrong target. Think bigger!

There will be times when you backslide, but just catch yourself and try again. If you make an honest effort, your confidence will begin to grow and you’ll be in a better frame of mind to begin the next phase of creating a brighter future for yourself.