Change Jobs or Stay Put?

"Everything will be alright in the end.  If things aren’t alright, you’re not at the end."

This is a quote from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a movie about life changes.  (Beautifully filmed in India – see it!)  The moral of the story is it’s never too late to have what you want in life.  You just need to know what you want and be open to finding it.

So, are things alright for you right now?

Sometimes at work I felt like things were hopeless.  I worked for an idiot (more than once), management was going in a direction I didn’t agree with, or I felt like the situation was so screwed up that nothing short of nuclear annihilation would fix it.  My favorite fantasy in those situations was picturing myself stepping off onto a dock and walking away as the ship went down behind me.

Over the years I learned that bad times don’t last forever.  In some cases I made a change, and in other cases things just worked themselves out.  When you find yourself in the middle of your own version of bad times do you grit your teeth and stay put, or do you step off onto that dock and walk away?  Here are three questions to ask yourself:

How much of this is your ego?   Are you pissed off because you’re insulted or succumbing to your inner diva/divo because someone disagreed, questioned or doubted you?  Are you in over your head, scared and not asking for help? Be honest no matter how humbling.  Your ego is a not a great decision maker.  You may need to change your situation, but your ego is not a good judge of when to take action.  I’ve known so many people who walked away from a good job because their nose was out of joint confident that the place would crumble after they were gone.  They were always wrong and were the ones who suffered. 

Is something going on that goes against one of your core values?  I had cocktails a few months ago with a former coworker who was thinking of quitting a company she had only been with for a few months.  She felt that the company’s management was not acting with integrity, and integrity is very important to her.  She sets the bar high for herself and for others.  She had no qualms about walking away.  She never looked back and didn’t spend a minute questioning her decision.  She found a great job with another company – case closed. 

What would it take for the situation to be better?  Is this something you can influence or control?  Or are you in a job you’re really not suited for? Is success possible? Would you recognize success if it smacked you in the face?

This takes perspective, objectivity, and a positive state of mind.   So often people can’t define success or can’t define what they want.  They just know that they want the bad stuff to stop, and right now isn’t soon enough.  They can’t articulate what ‘good’ looks like. 

Create a detailed picture of what you want and identify what’s most meaningful.  (We can’t always have every single thing we want…)  Then figure out what it will take to make that happen.  If you can fulfill the meaningful portion of that picture in your current situation, stay put.  It’s not time to leave yet. 

If you can’t, and you know you’re being objective and realistic, begin to take matters into your own hands.  Do not…repeat…do not burn bridges, get angry or resentful, or slack off from doing a good job for the company whose logo is on your paycheck.  Do reach out to your network and begin exploring what’s going on elsewhere in your company and at other companies.  If you haven’t built up a network outside of your current company, begin right now by finding former coworkers and friends on Linked In. 

Contact me if you want help.

Feel Your Feelings

Spring is springing, which means I’m in a flurry of de-cluttering and cleaning.  It’s become apparent that I’ve bought (but not necessarily read) almost every self-help book published.  I know this because I’ve been dusting books for two days now.  My collection has grown over the years, and I could open my own shop or lending library.

I also read magazine after magazine.  Looking at all of this mess, I realize that I’m seeking a golden nugget of knowledge, that key that will push me over the edge to finally lose the weight, become more disciplined and focused, meet a great man, and generally have the life of my dreams (which looks, oddly enough, like the photos in Sunset Magazine – NW edition).  

A few months ago I read something (in a magazine) that slapped me in the face:  people change because of how they feel, not because of what they know. 

Hmmmmmm I spend a lot of time and money distracting myself so I won’t feel my feelings.  And I know I’m not alone here. 

Every week I talk to people who are hesitant to face their feelings or who are numb.  Something is wrong at work, or in their relationship, or in some other aspect of their life, but they cringe and don’t want to dive down too deep.  It’s too scary or sad or frustrating to examine what’s going on.   

What if it’s time to leave their company and find somewhere else with opportunity for growth?  How would it feel if they acknowledged they’re bored – would that mean they’re lazy?  What if they ended their unfulfilling relationship - would they meet someone new?  It feels like opening Pandora’s box. 

We find ways to not feel our feelings because our feelings are often painful.  But it’s important to accept and honor our feelings. There’s a great quote: 

Change will come when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

We’re having feelings for a reason, and if we ignore them, we’re ignoring a powerful catalyst for change.   I used to tell my staff, you can’t fix what you won’t acknowledge. 

So, what are you feeling?  Or are you employing techniques to avoid feeling your feelings such as searching for answers outside yourself in books or your horoscope, vegging in front of the tv, shopping, playing video games? 

As part of your spring cleaning, wake up and tune back in to yourself.   Take stock of what you’re really feeling and identify doable actions you can take now to begin to address the areas that need sprucing up.  Embrace any pain that comes up and recognize it for what it is – a sign that it’s time for change. 

As always, I’d love to support you on your journey.  Contact me.

The Platinum Rule

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  The Golden Rule.  This teaching, in some form, exists in all of the world’s religions and has guided societies across cultures through the ages.  It speaks to extending your own humanity to others.

Let me introduce you to the Platinum Rule:  Do unto others as they need.  It doesn’t have the same pizzazz – the same level of name recognition as The Golden Rule, but I hope it will become one of your guiding principles as it has become one of mine. 

I can trace the seeds back to my childhood.  I adored my father.  He wasn’t around much when I was growing up.  His job at Boeing kept him on the road for months at a time.  As his only daughter we always had a special connection, and we got really close after he retired.

Dad’s been gone now for over 15 years, and I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t think about him or want to discuss something with him.

Dad had a difficult and lonely childhood growing up in New Orleans.  He didn’t talk about it much, but he used to tell me stories of going to Texas A & M just before World War II when hazing was integral to that school’s culture.  Imagine a little blonde girl sitting in bed listening to her Dad tell stories about running at night with his classmates across a field being chased by a mob of upper classmen who would beat up the slower runners.  He was proud that he survived, and he felt like a part of something, I think, for the first time in his life.  It gave me nightmares

During college he was a great tennis player.  When I heard that I asked him for lessons.  He said, I’ll only play with you when you get good enough.  I got the same response when I asked him to teach me to how to play gin rummy.  Mom said in the Army he earned lots of extra money because he was such a card shark.  Again, he wouldn’t play with me until I got good enough.  

Looking back after he died, I see that he was trying to motivate me, encouraging me to learn and grow by giving me goals to work towards.

He followed his version of the Golden Rule.  He did the best he knew how to do based on how he was raised and who he was as a person. I truly believe he would be devastated if he knew that instead of inspiring me to achieve his words made me feel small, insignificant and not good enough.  How I wish he’d followed the Platinum Rule with me.

You see, while I love my Dad, I’m a different person.  What inspired and motivated him didn’t inspire and motivate me.  In fact, it had the opposite affect.

When I became a manager 30 some odd years ago, I made a real mess of things at first.  In fact, I had to fire my first employee because I was such a bad manager.  Luckily I got the opportunity to keep learning, and the Platinum Rule became my key to success.

I remembered what it felt like to not be recognized for being me.  I remembered that the wrong words or type of motivation, no matter how well intentioned, could stop me in my tracks.  Over the years I learned to make the effort to really see my staff  – their strengths and talents, how they learn and what motivated them.

It took extra effort on my part, but nothing was more rewarding for me than to watch people step into their full potential while producing above and beyond results. 

The Golden Rule has been a foundation of societies for centuries.  When it really matters, though, when it comes to the most important people in our life whether family, friends, or coworkers, follow the Platinum Rule.   Recognize what’s unique and special about those key people and then find ways to give them what they need, no matter how different that is from what you need and want. 

What Can One Person Do?

When I first watched An Inconvenient Truth, I remember feeling so overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed, heartbroken, angry, frustrated.  The situation with the environment is so dire.  I just sat and cried.

Have you ever felt like that?  Have you ever cared about changing something, fixing something, preserving something – felt it down to your core but felt small and powerless to make any real impact. 

Have you ever said, but I’m just me.  What can one person do?  How do I move from frustration to action?

So, what can one person do?  Actually a lot.  I believe that we all share a common purpose as humans:  we’re here to make the world a better place.  There was a sign at a local school recently that read:  the heart beats strongest when it beats for others. 

Not everyone can have or is going to have a global impact.  Perhaps making the world a better place starts in your home with your children or your local community.  There are so many wonderful ways that people are taking action and making a difference.  This is one case where size doesn’t matter – only intention and commitment.  The key is to take action on something that’s meaningful to you.

In 1980 Candy Lightner’s 13 year old daughter was killed by a repeat drunk driver.  Out of her grief and rage came Mothers Against Drunk Driving, one of the largest and most influential grassroots organizations in the country.

More Magazine is running a contest this year highlighting women who have found ways to create jobs for other women.  Contestants so far have included a woman who founded a non-profit organization that helps low income women in Northern California start successful businesses.  Another women has started an employment agency specializing in finding part-time jobs for moms who want to work out of their homes. 

So it’s possible for one person to make a big difference.  But what can you do?  You’ve got a full time job, a family, hobbies - a really full life.  You’ve got so much of so many things… except spare time.  There are multiple ways you can take action and make difference. 

First, make a contribution:  There are worthy organizations working on solving almost any problem you can think of. 

Contribute money.   Non profits are always grateful for donations big and small.  Contributions, though, aren’t just about money.  What else do you have to give? The Humane Society has a large volunteer program.  So do hospitals. 

Another way to make a difference is to be a spark.  Find your voice by activating your voice.  Do you have an idea?  Can you rally friends to take action?  Perhaps clean up and refurbish a park, or take a group of neighbors to a city council or school board meeting to make your views known.   One of my favorite quotes is from Margaret Mead:  A small group of thoughtful people can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. 

Lastly, be a role model.  You don’t have to single-handedly change the world.  Just change someone’s world.  Raise a wonderful, caring child.  Or be a mentor, either professionally or through organizations like Boys and Girls clubs. 

The action you take may change at different points in your life.  At times it may be all you can do to write a check.  At other times, you may be able to participate in a more hands-on way.  Don’t judge, just do what you can.

What can one person do?  A lot.

What can YOU do?  It depends, but I hope I’ve given you some ideas around making a contribution, being a spark, and being a role model.

The key question is:  what WILL you do?

I challenge you that whatever you’re currently doing to make the world a better place, be proud of your efforts but kick it up a notch.  It’s not too late to get started, and we’ll all benefit.   

3 Steps To A Career Makeover

Are you looking for a new job, thinking about looking for a new job, or just want to step it up in your current job?  It may be time for a make over.  Not the kind of makeover where you get a new haircut or buy new clothes.  I’m talking about changing how you present yourself at work. 

To present yourself differently, you need to see yourself differently.  Here are three ways to stand out from the crowd:

First, understand your strengths and structure everything around them. 

If you don’t know your strengths, head to the bookstore right now and buy a copy of StrengthsFinder 2.0.  Take the assessment and download the detailed report, which contains some great coaching for how to develop your natural talents.  Then write down three examples from your current or recent jobs where you’ve demonstrated each of your 5 top talent themes.  If you’re having trouble with this, ask your coworkers.

When I first took StrengthsFinder, my top talent theme was ‘strategic.’  I couldn’t see it.  After all, I didn’t have “Strategy” in my job title, and it felt presumptuous to say my top strength was being strategic.  When I asked my staff, they just laughed.  One person said, “Are you kidding?  You get this look on your face, you start waving your hands around, then you fill up a white board, and we have our work for the next two years.”  OK, that sounded strategic. 

The key to personal success is to do more of what you like to do, and we like to do what we’re naturally good at doing.  Think about it.  Wouldn’t you like to be paid well for doing what you love?

To move in this direction, you need to be conscious of your strengths and build around them.  That includes everything from the direction of your career to your daily activities, your resume, and examples you discuss in job interviews and performance reviews. 

Second, understand, acknowledge, and appreciate the value you create.

How do you create value?  Oftentimes, people aren’t conscious of this, like our strengths.  It’s so ingrained that we just take it for granted.  It’s invisible.  We’re focused on what we do because we’re driven by our calendars, to do lists, and the demands of others. 

When you’re in a job that’s an expression of your passion and purpose, you’re very aware of the value you create. Unfortunately not many of us have that kind of job…yet. 

Think back over your work experience and look for themes. Do you consistently:

Increase productivity?

Improve/contribute to teamwork or resolve conflicts?

Streamline a processes or procedures?

Identify needs or problems and initiate solutions?

Save time and money?

Function as an expert?

Make order out of chaos?

Bring people together around a common goal?

Come up with creative ideas? 

Focus on your contribution, not your job responsibilities and tasks.  When you begin to recognize and acknowledge your own value, others will, too.

I had a client who really struggled to see her value.  When I asked what her contribution was to her organization, she said that she keeps people’s spirits up.  She remembers peoples’ birthdays and did the holiday party planning.  Even to her it sounded junior once she said it out loud.  But we dug deeper and saw that she built strong relationships across the organization that resulted in people being willing to go the extra mile to help out with one of her projects if needed.  She went from having a self-image of a junior ‘party girl’ to someone who forged and maintained cross-functional relationships.  This changed her whole view of herself, her job, and her contribution.

Third, be your authentic self.

In a highly competitive job market where there are two or more candidates with the same experience, the person who lets their self come through is more likely to connect with the hiring manager and therefore more likely to get the offer.

Making a connection requires vulnerability.  Dare to put yourself out there with no guarantees.  Risk a connection.  It’s scary!  Do it anyway.

Patricia Fripp, one of the country’s top public speakers said,  “You’re hired more for who you are then what you know.”  She was talking about professional speakers, but I feel this is a truism across the board.

When The Going Gets Tough

I love quotes.  I keep a document on my laptop with my favorite sayings, and when I’m feeling down or befuddled, I read through them.  It’s like a private chat with a good friend or a coach.  I usually find some nugget of inspiration or a new way of looking at things that lifts me up and provides a fresh perspective.  Kind of a little reboot.

An oldie but a goodie is: when the going gets tough, the tough get going. 

This quote can be used a number of ways.  If the going gets tough and I’m in hiding-out mode, it inspires me to get back in the game, even though I don’t describe myself as ‘tough.’  I revise the quote to say, when the going gets tough, successful people get going.

Turn it into a game!  How many ways can you change this old saying?  Here are three more ideas:

When the going gets tough…the professional/grown-up gets help.

How many times have I seen this situation.  There’s a big mess, and someone will hunker down and try to figure it out or resolve it themselves.  They’re like an angry child protecting a toy yelling, “mine!  Get away!”  There are a couple of things going on here.  You’ve got a control freak who thinks they’re smarter than everyone else and if we’d all just leave them alone, they’d fix it. Or someone who feels that if the problem comes to light, they’ll get blamed for it and they don’t want anyone to see.  Either way, you’re dealing with someone who cares more about being right than getting a good result.  Grownups know that a team pulling together without big egos can produce much more powerful results than a single person or a really small team working off in a corner on their own.  Yes, it might take more effort to coordinate across a bigger group, and yes, compromises may be required.  But the outcome will almost always be a stronger, longer lasting, and more widely accepted solution.

When the going gets tough…it’s time to follow your gut and heart.

When things aren’t going well and we feel besieged, often we try to ‘think’ our way through.  We re-examine the evidence, pour over our well-laid plans, look at the numbers, and try to plot the logical route through the minefield.  In an effort to come up with the answers, we sometimes forget to check in with our best on-site consultants, our gut and our heart.  Creative answers don’t always lie in the data.  Sometimes what a situation calls for is a dose of intuition.  I speak with so many clients who have decades of experience, yet they doubt the ingrained inner knowing that has accumulated over the years.  Listening to your gut can yield some great out-of-the box creative thinking.  In some circumstances if you slow down, breath, and listen to your heart, that voice of truth will tell you that the situation or path you’re on doesn’t fit your life anymore.  It’s time to make a change, and whatever problem you’re trying to solve is not the real problem.  People seldom arrive at that moment of truth through thinking – it’s something they need to feel. 

When the going gets tough…it’s time to laugh.

One of my most endearing and beloved memories of the time my Dad died was how we, as a family, found and enjoyed humor up to the end.  Waiting in the pre-op area of the hospital before the surgery to remove my Dad’s esophagus (He had esophageal cancer.), Dad joked, “what am I doing?  I feel fine.  I don’t have any symptoms.”  When his surgeon, the epitome of cranky bedside manner, came in to chat, Dad repeated this comment.  His surgeon, with an absolute deadpan face and voice said, “then we’re gonna give you some. “ Mom, Dad, and I laughed so hard.  I think other people in the area thought we were nuts.  Were we running away from how scared we were feeling?  Perhaps, but it helped me deal with what turned out to be one of the last conversations with my father.  I love it that we laughed at such a time.

When the going gets tough, how do you respond?

Set Goals for Success

My niece, Nikki, is one of my heroes.  She knows what she wants, and she consistently makes decisions that take her in that direction.  When she gets gift certificates for her birthday or Christmas, she saves them up so she can have something she wants, unlike her aunt.  I’m instant gratification girl.  If I get a gift certificate I need to spend it.  It burns a hole in my wallet, and Now! Now! Now! isn’t soon enough to go shopping regardless of whether or not I need or want anything.

So goals are hard for me.  Well, setting goals isn’t hard.  In my years working in corporate America, planning was a big part of my job.  But sticking to the plan is a challenge for me especially if it something just for me vs doing something for someone else.  If this sounds like familiar, here are some ways to look differently at setting and attaining goals.

What do you really want.  It’s important to be clear about that.  How can you get something if you can’t name it?  Your goals and your intentions need to be specific.  Break them down to the core details so you understand them from all angles.  If you want to lose weight, what’s behind that goal?  To look better?  For health reasons?  Are you feeling a bit old and want to be ‘lean and mean’ again?  Are you in a dark place and want to stop hating how you look and therefore hating yourself?  The more honest you can be and the more detail you can uncover, the more options you can explore for how to reach your goal.

There’s a quote from Maya Angelou which inspired Oprah for years:  When you know better you’ll do better.  But even though we all know the health hazards of smoking, so many people struggle to quit.  Smokers I know cite a number of things they get from smoking:  pain relief, relaxation and stress relief, something to do with their hands and/or mouth.  Until they change their feelings about smoking, they’ll probably struggle trying to quite.  People change in response to their emotions, not knowledge and logic.  As you break down your goal and look at what’s driving you to have that goal, examine your feelings along the way.

Set goals that work for you.  For me, that’s shorter-term, actionable goals.  Losing 40 pounds may be the result you want, but at the safe and recommended 1.5 to 2 pounds a week, that’s  – yikes!  20 weeks aka 5 months as a best case, you rocked it, scenario.  If you like your gratification instant (like me), that’s way too long to wait.  However, if you set daily goals that take you in the direction you want to go, like having one meal a day be salad and doing 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week, you can track progress to those specific, action-oriented goals and build on them over time.  

Along the lines of setting goals around action you can take daily, don’t defer your life until you reach your final destination.  If you want to pay off your debt in 2 years, try to incorporate some of the rewards of reaching that goal into your life sooner.   That’s not an invitation to spend like there’s no tomorrow.  Examine what paying down your debt means to you and how it will feel.  Does it mean freedom?  Or security?  Look for other ways to create those feelings for yourself today.

Every good plan has a contingency plan built in.  If you make short-term, daily/weekly action commitments, you can incorporate rewards and a support system along the way.   How will you stay accountable to your intentions?  The buddy system works great, so recruit a friend who has similar goals or is working towards something and keep each other motivated and on track.  Hiring a coach (like me!) is another great strategy.  When you put some skin in the game, your chances of success skyrocket. 

I can’t wait to hear about your goals and dreams.  Contact me.