The Ultimate Aphrodisiac

Let’s face it, sex sells.  But underlying this universal truth of advertising is an even deeper truth:  confidence attracts.

If you’ve recently gone through a change, whether it was good or bad, your choice or not, your self-confidence may have taken a hit.  Perhaps you were laid off and are looking for a new job, or you’ve recently started a new job.  You could be stretching past your comfort zone to try something new professionally or personally like taking on a new project or trying a new sport. 

Whatever the situation, you’re feeling like a newbie and more than a little unsure of yourself.  You may be feeling small as you look around and see other people who are more advanced. They know their way around the company while you’re trying to figure out who’s who, or they know the steps in dance class while you keep apologizing for stepping on your partner’s toe.  We've all been there.

True confidence comes from inside.  Compliments and positive feedback are nice as a bonus, but depending on them to give you confidence will not work in the long run.   Instead, how about if you stop thinking like a 13 year old and just acknowledge and accept where you are right now, be proud of the fact that you’re on your own journey, and stop comparing yourself to others.  That’s so much easier said than done, but any effort in that direction will yield good results.   Here are a few steps you can take to begin to boost your own confidence.

First, smile.  By this I mean a simple, sincere, head up, shoulders down, look-em-in the eye, warm smile.  I don’t mean the simpering, embarrassed, hunched over, eyes down, half-laughing goofy grin that pops up when we’re trying to be self-deprecating to get people to like us.  Just relax, be brave, and smile.  You’ll look confident – perhaps way more confident than you feel.

Have you ever noticed that runway models, don’t smile when they’re doing their pony walk down the catwalk? They’re supposed to look assured, confident, comfortable in their own skin and the clothes they’re wearing.  And they’re skinny, for crying out loud!  But you’ll never see them smile.  Why?  It’s not only because they’re hungry, it’s because a smile will draw the eye to their face making the clothes less noticed.  Since the point of a fashion show is to showcase the clothing, a smile would be a distraction.  Remember this next time you feel under dressed or not quite happy with how you look.  Smile, and people are less likely to notice or care what you’re wearing or the shape of your body. 

Second, take the focus off yourself and focus on making a connection with other people. Since childhood we’ve been taught the Golden Rule, to treat others as we’d like to be treated which translates into extending our own humanity to others.  But how about if you take it a step further and treat others as they’d like to be treated.  This takes lots of listening and may take some time to discern, but just making the effort will distract you from your own insecurities.

Third, recognize and appreciate all the great things about you – your strengths, your natural talents, the things that makes you unique.  You don’t have to be good at everything, in fact an essential part of the journey is coming face-to-face with a learning opportunity; i.e., things we suck at.  There are people who will shine in those areas, but it doesn’t have to take anything away from you.

Confidence comes not only from what you’ve accomplished, but also from an inner knowing of what you’re capable of.  You won’t gain this inner wisdom if you only do things that are comfortable and come easily.  You have to put yourself on the line, take a risk, learn and grow.  Interview a confident person, and you’ll see that they don’t have all the answers, but they know they can handle situations that might arise.

If you’ve lost your mojo, I have a four week, five session coaching package called Excavate Your Best Self Intensive where we work together to uncover your strengths so you can begin to recognize and acknowledge your best self.  I also have a version called Resume Intensive where we develop a strengths-based resume to support your job search.  If you’re interested in learning more, contact me at pnorton93@comcast.net, and let's get started.