Dream Job Search

Would you like to find your dream job?  Get paid great money for doing something you love that energizes you every day?  There are a lot of people who are right there with you.

Somehow, we always know how much our dream job would pay us, but can’t seem to put our finger on the job itself.  We search and worry that we’ll never find it.  We’re jealous of people who love, love, love their jobs and blame our parents for not encouraging some prodigy talents out of us when we were kids.  After all, Mozart didn’t ponder what his dream job would be.  He was driven by an incredible talent from a young age, and there was no question what he would do.  He couldn’t help himself. 

Does that make you feel ‘ordinary’ in comparison?  Although for Mozart, the money thing wasn’t there for him.  Couldn’t help himself…money not a deciding factor.  Hmmmm, is there a hint here?

I work with many people who come to our first coaching session saying their number one goal is to find their dream job and want me to help them figure out what that is.  They’re hoping I can give them an assessment that will magically produce the answer – tell them what the job is and how they can get it. 

In my experience, if you go about searching for your dream job by searching for a job, you’re going about it in the wrong order.  I love the exchange in Alice In Wonderland:

Alice came to a fork in the road.  “Which road do I take?” she asked.

“Where do you want to go?” responded the Cheshire cat.

“I don’t know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”

And you know what, it doesn’t matter – not yet anyway.  First, ask yourself:  who am I at my core?  Not who do my parents want me to be, or who do I need to be to earn the money I want, or even who do I wish I were.  Be honest with yourself, pay attention, and become acquainted with your authentic self.  

I’m a fan of Rick Steves, travel writer and tour guide, and I read an interview where he said at his core he was a teacher.  Rick started out teaching piano.  After going to Europe with his father, a piano importer, to tour piano factories, Rick’s passion for travel was ignited.  He used his earnings from teaching piano to fund his early travels and taught a class, European Travel Cheap, at an experimental college.  His business grew from there starting with travel lectures and travel consulting, both teaching activities.

Rick says, “My passion for travel showed itself in a powerful interest in teaching others from my mistakes.  …I finally had to decide:  teach piano or teach travel.  I chose travel and the rest is a very well used passport.”  From those beginnings Rick built a large, successful business which includes books, DVDs, tv shows, lectures, tours, merchandise, etc.  But at the core, he’s still a teacher – he couldn’t help himself.

So, again, who are you at your core?  Don’t say ‘teacher’ only because I used that example (and wrote about teachers last week).  Are you an explorer, someone who likes to go to the unknown? Perhaps you’re a problem solver, or a natural salesperson who loves the hunt and to build relationships.  I met someone yesterday at a networking event who said she loved to build communities and help people connect.  It’s her passion - who she is – and her enthusiasm radiated.  If we were to look at her biography we’d probably find someone who started as a kid introducing people, hooking people up, making sure people were connecting.

Begin to answer that question:  who are you.  And remember, I’m here to help (pnorton93@comcast.net).  Then start bringing your authentic self into your consciousness and activities every day.  The good news is that you don’t have to find a new job in order to begin.  You can start right where you are today, and your dream job will find you.

We're All Teachers

When I was 18 my mother took me to have my astrological chart done.  The astrologer told me two things:  don’t get married for another 3 years because the element of change will be in my marriage house, and that I was destined to be a teacher.  Being 18, I rejected both.  The marriage 3 months later and subsequent divorce is a closed book, but I’ve often thought about the teacher prophecy.  At the time, the only image I could envision was being a school teacher, a noble profession (just ask my older brother), but not one that called to me. 

However, over the years I’ve learned that being a school teacher isn’t the only path to teaching.  In fact, I believe we’re all teachers in many ways.  Some of us have the title of teacher or trainer and make a living imparting knowledge to others.  Some of us teach and inspire through example (good and bad), and some of us are mentors at work or as volunteers.  Parenting, for better or worse, is a great example of teaching every day; and one of my favorite Dr. Phil-isms is that we teach others how to treat us through our actions and boundaries.

Unlike high school algebra, the lessons we teach either consciously or unconsciously are like the gifts that keep on giving; they can have an impact today and continue for many years – hopefully in a good way. 

I have a former boss and friend, Jennifer, who has a strong bias for action. Being a hardcore procrastinator, it was a real eye opener for me.  My first response to most things is to put it on my To Do list, especially if it’s something new or unfamiliar.  I need to think about it, prioritize it, figure it out, put it off and secretly hope it will go away.  But it usually just turns into a crisis, so not only am I unproductive, I’m stressed!  Then I got hired by Jennifer.  Her first response is always:  let’s take care of that right now.  She’d then just pick up the phone, call someone, and deal with it.  Over the years I learned from and channeled this behavior at work in my corporate environment, and it created an impression that I was a ‘get it done’ girl. Having embarked on a new career path, I’m now finding that just about everything is new, and I’ve fallen into my comfortable procrastinator mode.  Old habits die hard.  I’m less productive than I’d like to be and more than a little stressed about it.  So I’m going back to that lesson I learned ten years ago.  Thank you, Jennifer!

So how do you teach?  And what do you teach?  Do you lead by example, and is that example good or not-so-good?  Are you generous with your expertise?  Do you contribute the best of yourself to the world around you, and do you inspire others to be their best?  Or are you sometimes a cautionary tale?  Do you walk around with a bad attitude and hair trigger temper?  Griping, complaining, gossiping?  What lessons are you teaching and how might these lessons influence and inspire people today and over the years?  And just as important, what are you learning and how are you using those learnings?

As a coach, my way of teaching is to support others in discovering and appreciating the knowledge and truths that lay within themselves. I’ve finally come to realize that the astrologer’s prophecy has come to pass. 

Think about how you can bring your inner teacher and inner student to the surface each day.  Be generous with your knowledge and experience (without being a know-it-all), be conscious of your impact, and at the same time be inspired by others and be open to learning and growing.

Just Be You

Do you feel the need to change something about yourself in order to fit in at work or in a relationship or in your own eyes?  I read an interview a few months ago with Beyonce´where she was describing her stage persona, Sasha Fierce, which she has to don in order to perform her act.  Becoming a different person helped her portray the bold and sexy woman required by her job.

This got me to thinking about the rest of us non-famous people who feel we have to become someone else in order to succeed.  Perhaps your company has an aggressive, win at all costs culture while you strive to create a win/win for everyone.  Your collaborative nature and skills in bringing people together are not appreciated and may even be criticized.  Or perhaps you have a strong get-it-done drive and find that you’re working with people who are more concerned with appearances than results. 

Trying to morph yourself into something you’re not, toiling away every day not being acknowledged and appreciated for all the great things you are is stressful and demotivating.  After awhile it can even begin to chip away at your self-esteem to the point where you start thinking the characteristics that best define you are your biggest faults.  Don’t go there!

If you’re feeling like you have to assume a role in order to fit in or succeed, it’s likely you’re in the wrong situation for you right now.  Perhaps it was the right situation at some time, but not anymore.

Step one is to acknowledge and appreciate your best self for yourself.  No one else can do this for you.  And although it’s nice to get positive feedback and reinforcement, nothing anyone else says can make you accept yourself.  But once you do, nothing anyone else says can knock you down.  Don’t put off this inner journey by believing you have to wait until something is different.  Start today, where you are.  You don’t need to get that promotion, lose those 30 pounds, or meet the man/woman of your dreams to start seeing the best in yourself.

I read some great advice this morning, which I’m happy to pass on to you.  Next time you find yourself doubting something that’s integral to who you are, try saying, “I love that about me.”  Don’t worry about believing it – just say it.  Do you cry at the drop of a hat?  Perhaps you care so deeply about things that it manifests itself physically.  Say, “I love that about me.” Are you an introvert whose job requires you to put aside your private nature?  Instead of saying, “I wish I were more outgoing,” why not say, “I love that about me.” 

I know my own efforts to change in order to fit someone else’s expectations were a waste.  I am who I am no matter how hard I try to be different.  One example:  I have a wicked sense of humor, and the more challenging the environment or situation, the more my humor comes out.  I suppose it’s a coping mechanism and my way of helping alleviate my stress and the stress of others.  I have been advised by multiple managers in the past to be more ‘professional,’ and because of this I’ve always felt a bit dowdy around really polished corporate types. But you know what?  I love my sense of humor.  It’s one of my favorite things about me!

This is not an excuse to indulge in all of your vices and bad habits which reduce the quality of your life.  Those need to be dealt with.  But recognize, acknowledge and appreciate the core of who you are, right now.

Reading another blurb in a magazine last week, Beyonce´ said:  “I don’t need [Sasha Fierce] anymore.  I know who I am [now].”  While I’m not a rabid Beyonce´ fan, I’m interested to see how she evolves her act now that she’s accepting and appreciating her true self. 

How will you evolve?  Take out a piece of paper, write I love that about me! and think of at least ten characteristics that describe you at your core.  If you’d like help with this, I’m here for you (pnorton93@comcast.net).

Who Will You Be Tomorrow?

"The seed you sow today will not produce crop till tomorrow.  For this reason, your identity does not lie in your current results.  This is not who you are.  Your current results are who you were.”  James A. Ray

I was much struck by this quote.  You see, I’m instant gratification girl.  I keep asking myself after a day or two of healthy eating and exercise: why aren’t I skinny yet?  The answer, of course, is that my fitness level is the result of many years of unhealthy habits interspersed with brief episodes of healthy living.  Honestly, there’s not much I can do today to change the result today – not even buying a new outfit (which I’ve tried countless times).  This lesson has been a long time in the learning, and in the meantime I still weigh too much and have contributed huge sums to the bonus plans of multiple credit card companies.

The only thing I can do today is to accept who I am and appreciate where I am on my own journey.  Is there immediate gratification here?  Yes, I’m no longer beating myself up.  If I want to be different tomorrow, I need to choose to make changes in what I do today.  I have to invest in the process and know that the results will only come if I do.  It’s as simple as that. 

I speak to so many people who want to be in a different job.  They don’t know what job – they just don’t want the one they’ve got.  The risk is that succumbing to instant gratification and jumping at the first job offer likely won’t work out.  Even if you feel like you’re in a frying pan today, jumping into the first new job that you think is a safe haven will probably just land you in another frying pan. 

Plotting your next career move is more than a job search.  Like getting fit and healthy, it’s a process of searching first within yourself.  You need to discover what motivates you, understand how you can best use your particular strengths (can you articulate your strengths?), and know your core values because being in any situation which conflicts with your values is very stressful.  

Making changes can be a challenge, and having a buddy to keep you on course, whether it’s a trainer, coach, CPA, or a good friend, will help you maintain your commitment and increase your success.  If you’d like to be supported by a coach, send me an email (pnorton93@comcast.net), and I’ll keep you going. 

Whether you go it alone or with support, starting the journey is the key and the first step whether it’s finding a new job, losing weight, starting a business, getting your finances in order, or anything else is to acknowledge and accept where you are right now and decide to make better choices each day.

Challenging Status Quo Thinking

Do you want to make a change in your personal life, your career, your appearance, your business strategy, or any area of your life?  One barrier to success is succumbing to the quicksand of status quo thinking.

In business being stuck in status quo thinking is fatal.  Competitors who are innovating and improving will lure away your customers until you’ve fallen too far behind to catch up.  Saying that status quo thinking in your personal life is fatal seems overly dramatic (but potentially true).

Movement is a constant in nature, and if you don’t have a mindset oriented to forward movement and growth, you’ll find that the movement you’ll experience is backwards.  One of my favorite images is ‘springtime on the savannah’ outlined in Younger Next Year for Women: Live Strong, Fit, and Sexy - Until You're 80 and Beyond (Yes, there’s a man’s version called Younger Next Year: Live Strong, Fit, and Sexy - Until You're 80 and Beyond.)  The authors outline how humans were designed to grow or decay.  When spring came and they were hunting and gathering, their health improved.  During cold winters when they were sedentary, disease set in. 

Status quo thinking has the goal of preserving continuity, and in times of stress and change, especially change we don’t control, it can be comforting to sit still for a bit.  After all, change creates friction and causes uncertainty. 

But status quo thinking creates habits which breed comfort which prevents change.  It’s a vicious cycle, and the closer to your inner self you look, the harder it is to see that you’re stuck and why.  You just have a strong feeling of discontent combined with hopelessness.

How can you tell if you’re stuck in status quo thinking?

• Do you always do the same things or do things the same way?
• Do you think only in ‘black and white’ or ‘either/or’ terms.  You can’t see any options, and you feel penned in by limitations. 
• Is there an over-focus on measuring, accountability, and processes to save you?  Do you seek to do the same things better? 
• Do you feel like you’re spinning your wheels working hard but not getting anywhere?

If this sounds familiar, here are some steps you can take to break this cycle. 

The key lies in seeking out ingrained habits, customs and perceptions that maintain the status quo. These conventions are hard to see.  They’re buried deep, and we follow them unconsciously. It is impossible to think differently when you cling to the conventions.

Rooting out habits, assumptions and biases requires a lot of honesty and perspective. This is a questioning process, not an answering process. You’ll need to shift perspective, see things (and maybe yourself) in a different light, look at problems and situations in other ways. Put them in another context.

One approach is to think like an annoying kid and ask why.  Why do I just veg out in front of the tv instead of going to the gym?  Because I don’t have any energy.  Why don’t I have any energy?  Because I’m bored.  Why am I bored?  Because my job puts me to sleep by noon. Why does my job put me to sleep?  Because I’m not doing something that challenges me.  Why am I not doing something challenging?  Because I’m scared I’ll fail.  Ahaa.  Keep digging deeper and see if you can ask at least 5 levels of ‘why’ questions.

Imagine how others would do it.  A couple of fun books ask:  what would Jackie O do, and what would Jane Austen do?  Identify someone you admire, and ask:  what would they do?

Brainstorm with a buddy or a coach.  Put all options on the table and don’t rule out anything, no matter how unrealistic.  Try on something you’ve never tried before, and don’t ignore the jokes which inevitably arise during a brainstorming session.  Humor often contains great truth.

Another great quote by an unknown author is:  Change will come when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.  If you’re stuck in your own status quo thinking, send me an email and we'll set up a coaching appointment. I’ll ask you some great questions.

Sometimes a Job is Just a Paycheck

There are times in our lives, say after the loss of a loved one or a health crisis, where our focus is rightly on family or somewhere else, and we aren’t putting our best into our work every day. We’re just showing up. It may be a temporary situation for a few months, or perhaps you took a survival job after a layoff and need to stay put for awhile to recover your equilibrium. Either way, you’re just working for the money right now. And that’s OK. But it’s OK only if you acknowledge it to yourself and accept what comes with it.

Our jobs can enrich our lives in many ways. We find satisfaction in achievement – we love getting things done, we make new friends (My dearest friends are people I met at work.), we enjoy learning something new, figuring something out, meeting a challenge and earning recognition. We get to do something we enjoy most days of the week. In return, we get paid a hopefully great salary that funds our home, our vacations, our family’s education and healthcare, and our eventual retirement.

Oftentimes we get a sense of identity from what we do for a living. “Tell me about yourself.” “Well, I’m a software engineer working for a startup video game company.” That introduction might tell you something about that person – interests, personality, willingness to work hard and take a risk. Our jobs can be a source of self-esteem and self-worth. When things are going well, we’re happy with ourselves and life in general. When things aren’t going so well (or when we screw up), our spirits take a nosedive.

What if you’re in a job that’s just a paycheck, but the paycheck is really big? My good friend, Dave, (who I met at work…) offers an additional perspective:

I don't know if this is true for necessarily everyone, but sometimes you get into a Survival Job and your natural reaction becomes defensive - to protect the paycheck - and when opportunities come along it gets harder and harder to make the jump. It's like quicksand. Alternatively, I've heard people use the term Golden Handcuffs. They hate their job, but they're tied into retention comp plans that they use as an excuse not to even consider anything else. That's not to say staying in a job because of long-term benefits isn't a valid decision - but allowing yourself to become a victim of it can make you miserable.

Amen.

If you’re in a job that’s just a paycheck or if you’ve temporarily checked out due to other priorities, don’t look for anything from your current job situation except to be paid. If you’re looking for a sense of achievement or self-esteem from a job you don’t love, you may come up empty. Big raises, promotions, getting assigned to the hot new project – those rewards go to people who commit and earn them. They don’t go to people who are just showing up. Well, OK, sometimes they go to other people who are just showing up, but doesn’t that piss you off?

If you’re in a job you hate but can’t give up because you can’t walk away from the money, your spirits and self confidence might be so low that you can’t even describe or imagine what a fabulous situation would look like. And that’s a tragedy.

Once you take an honest look in the mirror and own your decision, you can begin to separate getting a paycheck from expressing your best self. You can recognize and appreciate your current situation for what it is – a way to keep you afloat while you deal with other things. And hopefully one of those other things is starting the journey of figuring out how to get yourself on a different road - one that will take you someplace fabulous.

Peel Back the Layers

I talk to so many people whose number one goal is to find their dream job after which they can live their wonderful, fulfilled lives. When I ask them what their dream job is, however, they don’t have a clue. They just know the job they’ve got now isn’t it, and they’re frustrated. My belief is the answer is inside, you just need to peel back the layers to find it – layers of habit, limiting beliefs, fears, and sometimes upbringing. It might take some time and a few misses to get to the core, but the journey is worth it.

When I got laid off in 1991 from my job as International Product Development Manager for a multinational bank I decided to move home to Seattle and pursue what I thought was my dream job just for fun – working in a dress shop. Ever since I was a little girl, I loved playing with clothes, and one of my favorite pastimes even now is helping friends plan their wardrobes and shop. I started out as a teenager helping my Mom plan her wardrobe when she had to travel on business with my Dad. Later I loved to help friends on a budget with their work wardrobes in the days when we had to wear suits every day. When I landed back in Seattle I got a part-time job at a small boutique in the local mall, and two months later I was made the manager. Being a manager, playing with clothes, helping people shop – what’s not to love? But I hated it! It was day after day of long hours, sore feet, low pay, and being restricted to selling just the clothes in the shop. The fun part was helping customers see themselves differently, but invariably they’d bring the clothes back because their husbands didn’t share their enthusiasm for this new image. I thought I had found my dream job, so why did I hate it so much? After a few frustrating months, I went back to banking.

My friend and client, Michele, loves interior design and architecture. She can sit for hours drawing floor plans, and my pocketbook will never be big enough to fund her vision of the total gut and redo of my condo, although it would be gorgeous. But the thought of going back to school and training to be a designer doesn’t appeal to her. She’s not sure what she wants to do with her passion, and she’s afraid that an activity she loves will become a job she hates when she has to compromise her vision to please a client. Recently she’s become fascinated with maximizing use of space – a blend of architecture and smart design with a purpose. There might be a theme here, but again, what to do with it?

If you find yourself in this same situation of wanting to find work that expresses your deepest self, don’t give up just because you can’t put your finger on the exact job that meets that need. Instead of focusing on naming the job, look back over your life and find the common threads that were at play when you were at your best. And don’t limit your review to just work situations. Focus on who and how you were in these situations rather than the situations themselves. Then create opportunities in your life and your work that incorporate those themes. Over time, you’ll begin to walk towards your dream.

I thought I liked to play with clothes, but what I really loved was supporting people in seeing and expressing their own potential, and this comes out not only when I help my friends shop but it was also expressed through my management and mentoring style at work. Paying conscious attention to this underlying theme over the years led me to coaching, and I finally created my own dream job.

I wonder where Michele will be in 5 years.