The Gift of Now

Are you currently in a situation which is less than ideal – not your dream?  Perhaps you’re in a job you don’t love or something in your personal life is falling short.  In talking with clients lately, I’m noticing two distinct trends. 

The first trend:  the current situation isn’t ideal, but they’ve chosen it for a reason.  The key word here is ‘chosen.’  There’s a plan, and they recognize that where they are today is one step along their path.  It could be they’re staying in a job because they can’t afford the risk of making a change right now, or they’ve put their weight loss program on hold to deal with another health issue.  Because there’s a conscious choice to serve a larger purpose, they can ride out the turbulence that inevitably comes up every day.

One client, Debbie, is working as a contractor for a local software company.  Her current assignment doesn’t give her the opportunity to learn and create, things that are really important to her, but it pays really well.  She had to take this job because she’s currently supporting a sister with children through post-divorce financial issues and needs the money.  Working together we confirmed how strong family is as a core value for her.  Once she recognized this she was OK with putting aside having her dream job for a period of time.  When her sister is back on her feet (Yes, there’s a plan for that.), Debbie will make a change.  

If you find yourself in a less-than-ideal situation for reasons which are right for you (and you’re the only one who can reconcile this), appreciate the gift of what it’s giving you.  At the same time don’t ignore needs not being filled.  Debbie is currently looking at classes at a local community college and taking up jewelry making at a local bead shop to keep learning and creating.

Trend number two is:  you’re stuck. How to tell if you’re stuck?  You feel frustrated, bitter, hopeless, and afraid.  You don’t have a plan – that’s the problem.  In fact, the thought of having a plan seems out of reach. You feel you don’t have any choices or options. It’s like a re-run of the movie Groundhog Day – the same crap keeps happening over and over again.

If you’re stuck, your mindset is your worst enemy.  When you feel hopeless and afraid you lose your objectivity and find it hard to listen to your soul’s voice over the sound of yourself shouting about how bad things are.  What to do?

Step one is to acknowledge that you’re stuck and make a decision, right now, to get unstuck.  Give that gift to yourself – it’s the easy part.  The hard part is taking the action needed to get moving. 

Find your inner voice – it knows what to do.  It’s under there, but you won’t hear it until you get quiet. Stilling your mind doesn’t happen in front of the tv, at a bar, or during a harried, overscheduled day.  It happens when your mind is engaged yet relaxed and you stop the mental chatter about how unhappy you are.  Perhaps go to the driving range, go for a hike, practice yoga, meditate.  During this time make a commitment to not dwell on negative thoughts and be open to whatever comes up.

This may take some practice, but once you begin to listen to your inner voice, ask, what do I want?  Don’t settle for the lame answer of what you don’t want.  What you want is not necessarily the opposite - go deeper.  It can get frustrating.  You might cry, “I don’t know what I want – just make the pain stop!!!”  I know it’s hard and scary, but keep at it.  You’re on your way, and when you can begin to answer the question of what you want you’ve got the seed of a plan. 

You deserve to live the life of your dreams.  If something is less than your dream, a coach can help you sort things through and ask those hard questions to help you get unstuck.  Call me for a complimentary consultation, and let’s get moving.

3 Ways to Tap Into Your Creativity

You need to come up with a solution, find a new angle, figure out what to do next, but nothing’s coming.  Your mind is blank. Or it’s so full of conflicting thoughts that you can’t find a thread to follow.  You take out a pen and start to map it out, but instead of drawing a picture, you’re scrawling back and forth until all you have is a blotch. You’re frustrated and all clenched up.  Here are 3 simple ways to unclench and move forward.

Find your flow.  You do this by letting go. The harder you try, the tighter you clench, and the tighter you clench the more frustrated you become.  It’s a vicious cycle.  The solution is to break that cycle.  Just walk away and go do something else.  Exercise is great for this.  Take a walk or do some yoga.  For me, I get on an elliptical trainer, plug in my favorite workout mix and get lost in the music.  After about 15 minutes, my mind starts to relax, and my creativity comes through.  By the time I’m done, I have so many great thoughts.  I had to buy a little digital voice recorder to get them all out of my head so I wouldn’t lose them.  Go with the flow.

Trust in the power of the group.  This was one of my favorite pieces of advice to the project managers on my team.  Groups have tremendous creative powers and can come up with solutions and ideas that you, working alone, cannot.  Napoleon Hill wrote the seminal work on this topic  Think and Grow Rich.  Don’t have access to a group?  Even with as few as 2 people working together, the engagement creates a third mind, a mastermind.  A best friend, business partner, mentor, manager, or coach (like me!) is a great place to start.  The give and take of a group will leapfrog you out of your current environment and take you someplace you would never have thought of on your own.

One great group activity is brainstorming.  Sometimes when I’m brainstorming with a client who’s stuck, they spend time trying to shoot down every idea.  That’s a huge no-no.  In brainstorming most ideas aren’t workable, but that’s not the point.  The purpose of brainstorming is to open your mind – to get you out of your own way and expand your thinking.  While a specific idea may not be it oftentimes the answer lies in a derivative of an idea, or a combination of ideas that provides the inspiration for a new way of looking at something. 

Beware of the negative.  When I ask clients what they want to accomplish or where they’d like to take their life, they typically start with a long list of what they don’t want, and that list is always relative to what they have today.  It’s like they’re clinging to the side of a swimming pool afraid to let go and swim out to the deep end.  What if what you really want has nothing to do with what you have today?  How can you possibly hear your inner voice if you won’t let go?  Take all the energy you’re spending hating your current situation and channel it into getting in touch with the voice of your inspiration – your inner Dreamer.  Let yourself want something even if you don’t know right now how you’re going to get it. You have to start somewhere.  Start with what you want.

Oftentimes when I’m coaching my radar sounds an alarm:  does this person really want to move forward?  Are they ready, or do they just want someone to validate their current position?  Funny thing about coaches – we don’t validate the status quo, especially if you’re stuck.  We’re all about forward movement and change.  You came to us for a reason.

Last week I was in the Bay Area attending a course with Dream University learning a powerful ten step process for tapping into your inspiration and realizing your dreams. Contact me for a free consultation when you’re ready to get unstuck and build your life around your dreams. (pnorton93@comcast.net)

Are You In A Funk?

It might be the time of year, or the stars might be out of alignment (need to check Astrology Zone), but over the past couple of weeks so many people I’ve spoken with say they’re in a funk.  They’re blue, feeling listless, burned out, and worst of all, hopeless.  They’re not feeling fulfilled, and they’re frustrated and scared that this is the best it will be for them. 

You can’t read your way out of a funk no matter what the magazine and self-help aisles at the bookstore promise.  You can’t daydream your way out, or complain your way out, or talk your way out, or shop your way out (tried it…).  The key to the exit door is labeled:  take action.  But what action, your whiney voice asks?  It doesn’t matter – just do something. If it feels right, do more. If it doesn’t help, do something else.

If you’re feeling burned out or in a funk, here are some ideas that might work or at least spark other ideas that will move you to action.

Set boundaries:  If you’re feeling burned out, you may need to put your foot down and set some boundaries so you can recharge your battery.  The boundary may need to be set with a family member, employer, staff, or friend, but it’s also likely that you are your own worst enemy.  Are you so important that you feel you have to work 12 to 14 hour days or the world will end?  Heads of state are the only ones entitled to this feeling.  There are selected times when this may be called for, like implementation weekend on a big project, but if it’s the rule rather than the exception, you have a boundary issue.  Few people are productive and discerning at the end of an 8 hour day.  Rearrange your calendar if you can to do the heavy lifting when you’re at your best.  For some people that’s early morning, for others it’s later in the day.  Also, take your weekends off and take your vacation days.  Oftentimes the biggest disappointment an ‘over-worker’ encounters when they get laid off is that the company continues on just fine without them.  If you’re the one who ends up carrying the heaviest load, take a look in the mirror and ask some hard questions about whether you’re being taken advantage of by your manager or your team.

Reconnect with your passion:  Do you have a passion?  I know you do, you may have just lost touch with it.  If you’re feeling disconnected, begin with take baby steps.  Make a list of 10 things that make you happy and 10 things that bring you pleasure.  Is there an issue that makes your blood boil or that you could talk about for hours?  Is there an activity you could do all day and have it feel like 5 minutes?  My friend Michele loves to draw floor and space plans.  She can do this for hours on end.  These are clues to a deeper connection.  Find those threads and follow them.

Dare to dream of the life you want:  Some people are afraid to dream.  They’re afraid to get a vivid image of their deepest desire because they’re afraid they’ll never have it and be doomed to a life of disappointment.  In my opinion, the surest way to not get the life of your dreams is to not have a dream.  So go ahead and let the genie out of the bottle.  You could start with making a dream board or write about your ideal day in your journal.  Then find little things you can do today to move in that direction.

Get a buddy:  This could be a coach or a personal trainer, or a friend.  I now have a walking buddy, Laura.  We walk 3.6 miles three days a week most weeks.  Believe me, I wouldn’t be getting out of bed at 6:30 in the morning in the freezing cold and pouring rain to go for a walk if I didn’t know that Laura would be standing at the top of my driveway waiting for me.  This is the primary advice in all health magazines, and being the independent “I can do it on my own” person, I poo-poo’d it for years. It works; try it.