Build Your Dream Muscles

When people seek me out for coaching they often have a specific goal in mind. They need to find a new job, they want to find a new job, they want to figure out how to improve their performance in their current job, or they want to change careers.  One of the first questions I ask new clients is, what are your dreams. What would you like to accomplish?  Where would you like to take your life?  If you could have a different career, what would you be doing? 

Sometimes people have answers that they're happy to share, and sometimes they have answers, but they’re hesitant to share.  After all, telling someone your dreams puts it out there.  All of a sudden you’re vulnerable and the clock starts ticking.  But it’s also very freeing.  When you dare to admit out loud to someone that you have a dream, it comes to the forefront of your thinking.   The genie is out of the bottle. 

Unfortunately I often talk to people who don’t have a dream or can’t think of one.  Their visionary muscles are weak or they feel beaten down by the constant noise of their everyday lives.  Sometimes when people are unhappy, they craft dreams.  Other people become blocked.  Visionary thinking is like a muscle, use it or lose it.

Our problem solving muscles get a lot of use in our every day.  We’re solving problems at work, with our family, figuring out how to avoid traffic.  It’s part of our job and our culture, so we get very comfortable in this mode.  But problem solving means there’s a problem to solve.  There’s an external catalyst for our creativity, a question to be answered, a situation to fix.

With visionary thinking and dreaming, there’s often no external catalyst.  It’s more of a vague notion of a desire to go in a direction, or a curiosity – an internal catalyst.  It’s like having a blank sheet of paper or blank canvas with no assignment on what to create. 

Imagine you’re facing a blank sheet of paper.  Can you set your imagination free or do you have writers’ block?  If you answered ‘writers block,’ you need to do some visionary strength training. 

Start with something fun.  Here’s a great exercise from the February issue of O Magazine.  Finish these sentences:

I'm most creative...

If I were a color, I'd be... (and why)

I often imagine myself...

I really wish I knew how to...

I'd love to spend a lazy Sunday...

My secret talent is...

Tell your life story in 6 words.  (See how many versions you can come up with!)

Here is the first one that came to my mind – the story of my life in so many ways:

Fall down, get up, start over.

Another great way to tap into your dreamer is to meditate.  There are so many ways to meditate  beyond staring at your navel.  Do anything that quiets your mind.  Walk in nature, garden, play the piano, practice yoga, ride your bike somewhere away from traffic.  Allow your mind to quiet down.  It may take a bit of practice, but your intuition and dreamer will begin to emerge. 

Resist the urge to shut down any ideas or dreams that may arise with questions like, how will I ever do that, or that’s impossible.  Just see what comes up.  And practice, practice, practice.  You’ll find that your problem solving skills will also improve, but more importantly there may be a wonderful dream just waiting to be uncovered.

I’m a certified Dream Coach™ through Marcia Wieder’s Dream University.  I’m running a special on her transformational 10 step Making Your Dreams Come True^® process.  To learn more, contact me. 

Change Jobs or Stay Put?

"Everything will be alright in the end.  If things aren’t alright, you’re not at the end."

This is a quote from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a movie about life changes.  (Beautifully filmed in India – see it!)  The moral of the story is it’s never too late to have what you want in life.  You just need to know what you want and be open to finding it.

So, are things alright for you right now?

Sometimes at work I felt like things were hopeless.  I worked for an idiot (more than once), management was going in a direction I didn’t agree with, or I felt like the situation was so screwed up that nothing short of nuclear annihilation would fix it.  My favorite fantasy in those situations was picturing myself stepping off onto a dock and walking away as the ship went down behind me.

Over the years I learned that bad times don’t last forever.  In some cases I made a change, and in other cases things just worked themselves out.  When you find yourself in the middle of your own version of bad times do you grit your teeth and stay put, or do you step off onto that dock and walk away?  Here are three questions to ask yourself:

How much of this is your ego?   Are you pissed off because you’re insulted or succumbing to your inner diva/divo because someone disagreed, questioned or doubted you?  Are you in over your head, scared and not asking for help? Be honest no matter how humbling.  Your ego is a not a great decision maker.  You may need to change your situation, but your ego is not a good judge of when to take action.  I’ve known so many people who walked away from a good job because their nose was out of joint confident that the place would crumble after they were gone.  They were always wrong and were the ones who suffered. 

Is something going on that goes against one of your core values?  I had cocktails a few months ago with a former coworker who was thinking of quitting a company she had only been with for a few months.  She felt that the company’s management was not acting with integrity, and integrity is very important to her.  She sets the bar high for herself and for others.  She had no qualms about walking away.  She never looked back and didn’t spend a minute questioning her decision.  She found a great job with another company – case closed. 

What would it take for the situation to be better?  Is this something you can influence or control?  Or are you in a job you’re really not suited for? Is success possible? Would you recognize success if it smacked you in the face?

This takes perspective, objectivity, and a positive state of mind.   So often people can’t define success or can’t define what they want.  They just know that they want the bad stuff to stop, and right now isn’t soon enough.  They can’t articulate what ‘good’ looks like. 

Create a detailed picture of what you want and identify what’s most meaningful.  (We can’t always have every single thing we want…)  Then figure out what it will take to make that happen.  If you can fulfill the meaningful portion of that picture in your current situation, stay put.  It’s not time to leave yet. 

If you can’t, and you know you’re being objective and realistic, begin to take matters into your own hands.  Do not…repeat…do not burn bridges, get angry or resentful, or slack off from doing a good job for the company whose logo is on your paycheck.  Do reach out to your network and begin exploring what’s going on elsewhere in your company and at other companies.  If you haven’t built up a network outside of your current company, begin right now by finding former coworkers and friends on Linked In. 

Contact me if you want help.