Who Will You Be Tomorrow?

"The seed you sow today will not produce crop till tomorrow.  For this reason, your identity does not lie in your current results.  This is not who you are.  Your current results are who you were.”  James A. Ray

I was much struck by this quote.  You see, I’m instant gratification girl.  I keep asking myself after a day or two of healthy eating and exercise: why aren’t I skinny yet?  The answer, of course, is that my fitness level is the result of many years of unhealthy habits interspersed with brief episodes of healthy living.  Honestly, there’s not much I can do today to change the result today – not even buying a new outfit (which I’ve tried countless times).  This lesson has been a long time in the learning, and in the meantime I still weigh too much and have contributed huge sums to the bonus plans of multiple credit card companies.

The only thing I can do today is to accept who I am and appreciate where I am on my own journey.  Is there immediate gratification here?  Yes, I’m no longer beating myself up.  If I want to be different tomorrow, I need to choose to make changes in what I do today.  I have to invest in the process and know that the results will only come if I do.  It’s as simple as that. 

I speak to so many people who want to be in a different job.  They don’t know what job – they just don’t want the one they’ve got.  The risk is that succumbing to instant gratification and jumping at the first job offer likely won’t work out.  Even if you feel like you’re in a frying pan today, jumping into the first new job that you think is a safe haven will probably just land you in another frying pan. 

Plotting your next career move is more than a job search.  Like getting fit and healthy, it’s a process of searching first within yourself.  You need to discover what motivates you, understand how you can best use your particular strengths (can you articulate your strengths?), and know your core values because being in any situation which conflicts with your values is very stressful.  

Making changes can be a challenge, and having a buddy to keep you on course, whether it’s a trainer, coach, CPA, or a good friend, will help you maintain your commitment and increase your success.  If you’d like to be supported by a coach, send me an email (pnorton93@comcast.net), and I’ll keep you going. 

Whether you go it alone or with support, starting the journey is the key and the first step whether it’s finding a new job, losing weight, starting a business, getting your finances in order, or anything else is to acknowledge and accept where you are right now and decide to make better choices each day.

Challenging Status Quo Thinking

Do you want to make a change in your personal life, your career, your appearance, your business strategy, or any area of your life?  One barrier to success is succumbing to the quicksand of status quo thinking.

In business being stuck in status quo thinking is fatal.  Competitors who are innovating and improving will lure away your customers until you’ve fallen too far behind to catch up.  Saying that status quo thinking in your personal life is fatal seems overly dramatic (but potentially true).

Movement is a constant in nature, and if you don’t have a mindset oriented to forward movement and growth, you’ll find that the movement you’ll experience is backwards.  One of my favorite images is ‘springtime on the savannah’ outlined in Younger Next Year for Women: Live Strong, Fit, and Sexy - Until You're 80 and Beyond (Yes, there’s a man’s version called Younger Next Year: Live Strong, Fit, and Sexy - Until You're 80 and Beyond.)  The authors outline how humans were designed to grow or decay.  When spring came and they were hunting and gathering, their health improved.  During cold winters when they were sedentary, disease set in. 

Status quo thinking has the goal of preserving continuity, and in times of stress and change, especially change we don’t control, it can be comforting to sit still for a bit.  After all, change creates friction and causes uncertainty. 

But status quo thinking creates habits which breed comfort which prevents change.  It’s a vicious cycle, and the closer to your inner self you look, the harder it is to see that you’re stuck and why.  You just have a strong feeling of discontent combined with hopelessness.

How can you tell if you’re stuck in status quo thinking?

• Do you always do the same things or do things the same way?
• Do you think only in ‘black and white’ or ‘either/or’ terms.  You can’t see any options, and you feel penned in by limitations. 
• Is there an over-focus on measuring, accountability, and processes to save you?  Do you seek to do the same things better? 
• Do you feel like you’re spinning your wheels working hard but not getting anywhere?

If this sounds familiar, here are some steps you can take to break this cycle. 

The key lies in seeking out ingrained habits, customs and perceptions that maintain the status quo. These conventions are hard to see.  They’re buried deep, and we follow them unconsciously. It is impossible to think differently when you cling to the conventions.

Rooting out habits, assumptions and biases requires a lot of honesty and perspective. This is a questioning process, not an answering process. You’ll need to shift perspective, see things (and maybe yourself) in a different light, look at problems and situations in other ways. Put them in another context.

One approach is to think like an annoying kid and ask why.  Why do I just veg out in front of the tv instead of going to the gym?  Because I don’t have any energy.  Why don’t I have any energy?  Because I’m bored.  Why am I bored?  Because my job puts me to sleep by noon. Why does my job put me to sleep?  Because I’m not doing something that challenges me.  Why am I not doing something challenging?  Because I’m scared I’ll fail.  Ahaa.  Keep digging deeper and see if you can ask at least 5 levels of ‘why’ questions.

Imagine how others would do it.  A couple of fun books ask:  what would Jackie O do, and what would Jane Austen do?  Identify someone you admire, and ask:  what would they do?

Brainstorm with a buddy or a coach.  Put all options on the table and don’t rule out anything, no matter how unrealistic.  Try on something you’ve never tried before, and don’t ignore the jokes which inevitably arise during a brainstorming session.  Humor often contains great truth.

Another great quote by an unknown author is:  Change will come when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.  If you’re stuck in your own status quo thinking, send me an email and we'll set up a coaching appointment. I’ll ask you some great questions.

Sometimes a Job is Just a Paycheck

There are times in our lives, say after the loss of a loved one or a health crisis, where our focus is rightly on family or somewhere else, and we aren’t putting our best into our work every day. We’re just showing up. It may be a temporary situation for a few months, or perhaps you took a survival job after a layoff and need to stay put for awhile to recover your equilibrium. Either way, you’re just working for the money right now. And that’s OK. But it’s OK only if you acknowledge it to yourself and accept what comes with it.

Our jobs can enrich our lives in many ways. We find satisfaction in achievement – we love getting things done, we make new friends (My dearest friends are people I met at work.), we enjoy learning something new, figuring something out, meeting a challenge and earning recognition. We get to do something we enjoy most days of the week. In return, we get paid a hopefully great salary that funds our home, our vacations, our family’s education and healthcare, and our eventual retirement.

Oftentimes we get a sense of identity from what we do for a living. “Tell me about yourself.” “Well, I’m a software engineer working for a startup video game company.” That introduction might tell you something about that person – interests, personality, willingness to work hard and take a risk. Our jobs can be a source of self-esteem and self-worth. When things are going well, we’re happy with ourselves and life in general. When things aren’t going so well (or when we screw up), our spirits take a nosedive.

What if you’re in a job that’s just a paycheck, but the paycheck is really big? My good friend, Dave, (who I met at work…) offers an additional perspective:

I don't know if this is true for necessarily everyone, but sometimes you get into a Survival Job and your natural reaction becomes defensive - to protect the paycheck - and when opportunities come along it gets harder and harder to make the jump. It's like quicksand. Alternatively, I've heard people use the term Golden Handcuffs. They hate their job, but they're tied into retention comp plans that they use as an excuse not to even consider anything else. That's not to say staying in a job because of long-term benefits isn't a valid decision - but allowing yourself to become a victim of it can make you miserable.

Amen.

If you’re in a job that’s just a paycheck or if you’ve temporarily checked out due to other priorities, don’t look for anything from your current job situation except to be paid. If you’re looking for a sense of achievement or self-esteem from a job you don’t love, you may come up empty. Big raises, promotions, getting assigned to the hot new project – those rewards go to people who commit and earn them. They don’t go to people who are just showing up. Well, OK, sometimes they go to other people who are just showing up, but doesn’t that piss you off?

If you’re in a job you hate but can’t give up because you can’t walk away from the money, your spirits and self confidence might be so low that you can’t even describe or imagine what a fabulous situation would look like. And that’s a tragedy.

Once you take an honest look in the mirror and own your decision, you can begin to separate getting a paycheck from expressing your best self. You can recognize and appreciate your current situation for what it is – a way to keep you afloat while you deal with other things. And hopefully one of those other things is starting the journey of figuring out how to get yourself on a different road - one that will take you someplace fabulous.

Peel Back the Layers

I talk to so many people whose number one goal is to find their dream job after which they can live their wonderful, fulfilled lives. When I ask them what their dream job is, however, they don’t have a clue. They just know the job they’ve got now isn’t it, and they’re frustrated. My belief is the answer is inside, you just need to peel back the layers to find it – layers of habit, limiting beliefs, fears, and sometimes upbringing. It might take some time and a few misses to get to the core, but the journey is worth it.

When I got laid off in 1991 from my job as International Product Development Manager for a multinational bank I decided to move home to Seattle and pursue what I thought was my dream job just for fun – working in a dress shop. Ever since I was a little girl, I loved playing with clothes, and one of my favorite pastimes even now is helping friends plan their wardrobes and shop. I started out as a teenager helping my Mom plan her wardrobe when she had to travel on business with my Dad. Later I loved to help friends on a budget with their work wardrobes in the days when we had to wear suits every day. When I landed back in Seattle I got a part-time job at a small boutique in the local mall, and two months later I was made the manager. Being a manager, playing with clothes, helping people shop – what’s not to love? But I hated it! It was day after day of long hours, sore feet, low pay, and being restricted to selling just the clothes in the shop. The fun part was helping customers see themselves differently, but invariably they’d bring the clothes back because their husbands didn’t share their enthusiasm for this new image. I thought I had found my dream job, so why did I hate it so much? After a few frustrating months, I went back to banking.

My friend and client, Michele, loves interior design and architecture. She can sit for hours drawing floor plans, and my pocketbook will never be big enough to fund her vision of the total gut and redo of my condo, although it would be gorgeous. But the thought of going back to school and training to be a designer doesn’t appeal to her. She’s not sure what she wants to do with her passion, and she’s afraid that an activity she loves will become a job she hates when she has to compromise her vision to please a client. Recently she’s become fascinated with maximizing use of space – a blend of architecture and smart design with a purpose. There might be a theme here, but again, what to do with it?

If you find yourself in this same situation of wanting to find work that expresses your deepest self, don’t give up just because you can’t put your finger on the exact job that meets that need. Instead of focusing on naming the job, look back over your life and find the common threads that were at play when you were at your best. And don’t limit your review to just work situations. Focus on who and how you were in these situations rather than the situations themselves. Then create opportunities in your life and your work that incorporate those themes. Over time, you’ll begin to walk towards your dream.

I thought I liked to play with clothes, but what I really loved was supporting people in seeing and expressing their own potential, and this comes out not only when I help my friends shop but it was also expressed through my management and mentoring style at work. Paying conscious attention to this underlying theme over the years led me to coaching, and I finally created my own dream job.

I wonder where Michele will be in 5 years.