Goal Setting From the Inside Out

I’ve been journaling more lately.  It’s a great way to get clear on what I want, how I’m doing, and what I’m feeling.  Since it’s approaching another monthend and almost halfway through the year I sat down this morning with a hot cup of coffee to do a check-in on how I’m doing towards my business and personal goals.  It turns out I’m doing OK in some respects, not so OK in others. 

‘Not so OK in others’ requires an action plan, so on goes my ‘professional planner’ hat, out comes the graph paper (so neat and orderly), and I started writing under the heading:  What Do I Need To Do To Get Back On Track.  Tasks, resources needed, dependencies, timeline, work breakdown structure, blah, blah, blah.  But it was the same blah, blah that I write down (on graph paper) every time I ask myself, What Do I Need To Do To Get Back On Track. 

The list always seems to include:  eat a healthy breakfast, 30 minutes of cardio every day, go to bed and get up at a consistent time, better meal planning, network more, engage in more marketing activities, and finish the revisions to my website based on the feedback from my readers (www.transitionsparkcoaching.com - and no, it’s not revised yet).

I’m a great project manager.  It seems to be in my blood.  It worked for me in a corporate environment when there was something to be done, resources to rally, and a vision to communicate, but it doesn’t work so well when applied to myself.  Am I too close to the action?  There’s definitely something missing (besides a great team to help).

So instead of asking, ‘What do I need to do to reach my goals?’ I asked, ‘Who do I need to be to reach my goals?’  Wow!  I got a completely different set of answers and a new focus. 

v    I need to be someone who walks their talk. 

v    I need to be someone who knows where they’re headed but lives, as Dale Carnegie says, in ‘day-tight compartments.’ How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

v    I need to be brave and not afraid to put myself out there – I mean what’s the worst that could happen.  

v    I need to be someone who embraces the school of hard knocks as the best way to learn and grow. 

v    I need to be positive, forward looking, and forward thinking.

My first mentor coach said, doing come from being.  When I think about my heroes, I’m drawn to people not because of what they did, but because of who they are (or were).  Oprah Winfrey is probably on a lot of people’s heroes list, and she’s on mine because she learned over the years that the path to abundance and prosperity comes from being authentic and true to yourself.  Eleanor Roosevelt is one of my heroes not just because of all she accomplished, but because of the person she became through the adversity of her difficult marriage. 

So take out a piece of paper (grids are optional), write down your top three goals and why they’re important to you, then write down who you have to be as a person to reach these goals.  Hopefully you’ll then see Project You in a new and different light.  This works for both personal and professional goals.  If you want to get a promotion at work, don't just think about what you need to do to reach that goal, also think about who you need to be; e.g., someone who speaks up and contributes ideas during meetings, someone who volunteers to handle a difficult assignment, someone who mentors new hires.

Of course, if you’d like a brainstorm or accountability partner, I’d be honored to support you.

My business, TransitionSpark Coaching, has reached it’s one year milestone.  Thank you and a big hug to all of my wonderful clients – present and past – and all of you who read this blog each week.  I’m working on some exciting new activities including publication of my first e-book, 7 Steps To A Power-Packed Resume™, which will be available as a free download from my website in early June.  Can’t wait!

Seeds of Change

In my May 9 post titled PassionQuest, I outlined three ways to connect with your passion.  Ask yourself:

v    What am I passionate about doing?

v    Who am I passionate about being?

v    What makes my blood boil?

I love all these questions, but the last one surprises many people – what makes my blood boil.  People tell me they had never thought of this as a way to surface passion, and it scares the daylights out of them.  Even to think about things that enrage us – issues, injustices, cruelties – is scary and also heart breaking.  We don’t want to get too close, and we definitely don’t want to deepen our connection or bring more into our daily lives. 

I’m not advocating that you become a walking vessel of rage; but I believe those feelings are within you for a reason, and one of those reasons is to spark you to action.  Does that intimidate you?  Like climbing Mt. Everest – a great accomplishment for people with the desire, fortitude and funding, but not for you. After all how can you, one person, heal the environment, eradicate cruelty to animals, and change cultures that treat women as second-class citizens or property. (OK – those are my three…)  What can one little person do?

Margaret Mead said:  “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Don’t ignore the issues that are really painful for you, but don’t torture yourself with them either.  If you get enraged by cruelty to animals, you don’t have to become someone who breaks up dog fighting rings unless you’re one of those rare and wonderful people who are cut out for that type of work.  Search for other things you can do to find that sweet spot of making a difference in a way that feeds your own spirit.

Utilize your strengths and resources.  What are you cut out to do?  If you have financial means, contribute.  If you’re an entrepreneur with a big network, raise awareness and money.  If you have some extra time, volunteer. 

Become Johnny Appleseed:  sow seeds and inspire. Do you care passionately about the environment?  Check out this great website, www.whatcanonepersondo.com.  This site provides great resources and ideas on things individuals like you and I can do to help the environment.  It’s run by “everyday people who work during the week and do normal things like go to the beach on weekend.”   What ideas does this site spark for action on a cause that matters to you?  In what ways can you, an everyday person, become a resource for others who want to take action but don't know what to do?

It’s not always about the money.  Well, OK, money is sometimes a help, but not everyone is Bill Gates.  Not everyone has billions of dollars to throw at an issue, and not all issues are solved by money.  My friend, Michele, is a fan of Anthony Bourdain.  While filming an episode of his tv show in Haiti, he saw so many hungry children hanging around the street food carts and wanted to help.  So he bought out one of the food carts for the day so he could give these people food.  A riot ensued with the larger, more powerful kids beating out the smaller kids.  The situation escalated out of control, and he was horrified and heart broken.  He then interviewed Sean Penn who helped him understand that these people don’t need a one-time infusion of money.  What they need is people rolling up their sleeves working side by side doing things like building housing and digging sewage trenches.  Money doesn’t solve everything.  There is a growing number of volunteer vacation organizations where you and perhaps your family or group of friends can make a difference with your own hands.

If there are issues that you’re passionate about, swallow hard and face down your fear.  Stretch a bit past your comfort zone, and get in the game.  Starting with small steps is just fine - who knows where they’ll lead you?  With commitment and consistency you’ll be walking your talk, and what could be better for both you and for your cause. 

PassionQuest

A recurring theme I hear from new coaching clients is the absence of passion in their lives.  We often start out talking about how their careers aren’t as fulfilling anymore, but eventually the conversation leads to an overall lack of passion.  We’ve gotten so busy and harried that we don’t make time to do the things that matter most to us.  Any free time we have gets eaten up with chores, errands, and tending to the needs and desires of others.  When was the last time you felt a rush of passion? I used this quote from Socrates last week, but it bears repeating:  Beware the barrenness of a busy life.

I believe our passions are always part of us, an internal fire.  But like any fire, if not tended to it will die down until it just becomes embers.  If I were to ask, what are you passionate about - what really stokes your fire - what would you say?  And how long would it take you to come up with that answer?  Would you worry that your answer wasn’t good enough – or enough enough?

If you’re out of touch, consider embarking on a PassionQuest.  Identify something that you love or at least something that sparks an interest and bring more it into your everyday life. This is an excellent practice for making room for new dreams or even discovering your dream job. Do something you’ve never done, or do something you truly enjoy.  The goal here is to uncover something about yourself, something new perhaps, or something forgotten.  Don’t assume you know.  Play detective.  Turn this into a personal practice, and your passion will begin to burn brighter and you’ll feel that sense of ‘aliveness’ which may have been missing.

Start by asking:

What am I passionate about doing?

Perhaps you love to cook.  You could spend hours in the kitchen if you had the time.  Clear a couple of hours on your weekly calendar and sign up for a cooking class.  You may find new dimensions to your love of cooking.  You may become fascinated by the challenge of using only local, seasonal ingredients, or how food can be used as a cure for certain diseases.  You could ignite a desire to start a cooking club or to teach others how to cook.  Where could you go from there?

Who am I passionate about being? 

You love to read about politics, and you’re so interested in how the actions of elected officials impacts our lives.  You may begin by attending some local neighborhood or city council meetings, but you soon decide that you want participate rather than just observe. Biographies of famous elected officials often begin with a passion for being one of the people who are sitting at the table rather than in the audience. 

And my favorite, what makes my blood boil?

The answer to this question can be very helpful because passion doesn’t always reveal itself as bliss or happiness.  Identifying something that enrages you is sometimes easier to access – it’s closer to the surface. For example, you may get enraged by cruelty to animals.  This may inspire you to volunteer at the local Humane Society.  But as you keep following this thread you may discover that your passion is bigger than animals.  You may find that what really makes your blood boil is abuse of defenseless victims.  This could take you down a road towards becoming an advocate, a voice for any victim who doesn’t have one.

The point isn’t where you end up – hopefully that becomes a lifelong journey.  The point is to start.  Find something that matters to you so much that you have to act upon it and follow that thread, take consistent action no matter how small, and remain open to what your heart tells you along the way.

As that famous 1990’s pop group said:  Spice up your life! Need help brainstorming?  Call me – this is one of my favorites! 

Root Cause Analysis

I saw this quote from Mike Dooley (http://www.inspirationpeak.com/) last week, and I was struck by how much wisdom could be contained in so few words.

You can only ever be scared, when you believe in limits. 


You can only ever feel lonely, when you stop doing things.

You can only ever become bored, when you no longer follow your heart.

And you can only ever get overwhelmed, when you think the illusions are real.

Whew!  Who knew it could be so easy to get back on track? 



Which of these statements resonate most with you?

You can only ever be scared, when you believe in limits.

I saw a new tv show last week, Extreme Couponing.  People were clipping coupons to the point of getting hundreds of dollars of groceries for a few dollars.  It takes hours of detailed planning and resulted in the stockpiling of huge amounts of food and other household items.  It struck me that all this stuff made them feel safe because they were so afraid of scarcity.  The people featured had been impacted by job losses, so getting the most from their money was important.  But I still felt it was a mix of gluttony or greed and hoarding wrapped around a game of getting as much as possible for as little as possible. A continued focus on scarcity just invites more fear.  I wondered, would these people ever have enough to feel safe again?

You can only ever feel lonely, when you stop doing things.

Humans are hard wired to live in communities.  Unlike tigers, bears, and skunks, joining forces with others was a key to our survival as a species.  In many ways, it still is.  But we also choose to live in communities not only to survive, but also to thrive.  Recent world events such as the changes in the Middle East show the power of community while the frenzy over the British royal wedding shows the joy we get from feeling a connection with people we don’t even know and never will.  After a year and a half of working at home by myself I learned the hard way that I have to consciously reach out to connect with others.  While you can feel lonely even in a crowd, next time you’re feeling this way, head out to the coffee shop or the bookstore, or engage in an activity such as a sport, and stop using your computer as a substitute for true connection.

You can only ever become bored, when you no longer follow your heart.

A new client said last week that she felt so out of touch with her own passion that she can’t even remember what makes her happy.  Socrates said, “Beware the barrenness of a busy life.”  To reconnect with your heart, you need to create space in your life - not just time, although that’s the key first step, but also loving energy.  Forgive yourself for dreams not yet acknowledged, and promise that you’ll start listening to your heart.  Journal, meditate, or go for a walk.   

And you can only ever get overwhelmed, when you think the illusions are real.

Are you adopting someone else’s opinion of you?  Are you currently in a job that isn’t a good fit?  We’ve all at some point been in a situation that didn’t play to our strengths or found ourselves suddenly working for someone who had a different vision following an organization change.  Buying into someone else’s negative opinion of you can lead to your not doing your best that justifies a worse opinion.  It’s a vicious cycle that leads to questioning your own capabilities.  But you know in your heart you’d perform better in a job that suited you more so run, don’t walk, to find that opportunity.  Don’t buy into the illusion of someone else’s opinion.  Look inside for your truth.

As I’ve been writing this, it seems the overarching theme is:  take the reins.  Create your own opportunities and don’t buy into perceived limitations or other people’s opinions, seek meaningful connections with others, dig deep to get beyond habit and ‘shoulds’ to listen to your heart, and decide for yourself what is real and true for you.