Stepping Past Fear

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  Those famous words from Franklin D. Roosevelt have inspired millions of people since he spoke them at his inaugural in 1933.  Does fear have you in its grasp?

Strange thing about fear.  It can keep you thinking small lured by the comfort, safety and security of the status quo.  But it can also make you think too big trying to see into the future and framing multiple nightmare scenarios that may never come to pass. 

The worst thing about fear is it robs you of your confidence at a time when you need it most.  It clouds your thinking, and I know from past experience that fear-based decisions, whether in your personal or business life, rarely work out.  They come from a dark place and generally speak to the most pessimistic and negative aspects of any situation.

I have some really scary things going on my life right now.  In addition to the pressures of building my new coaching business, it’s time for my mother to move out of the house she’s lived in for 30 years (and loves) into a facility where the care she needs is close at hand.  At the same time, my dear, feisty 14 year old cat, Remy, is very sick, and I may have to make the really hard decision to end his life within the next couple of weeks. I’m devastated, and keeping it together right now is a challenge. 

So how am I coping?  I imagine myself walking across a river concentrating only on stepping to the next stone.  If I allow myself to wallow in ‘what might be’ or to project forward to the end of both my loved ones’ lives, I’d fall into that raging river and get swept away.  I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning and wouldn’t be of any use to either Mom or Remy at a time when they most need me to be brave for them. 

Therefore, my mantra right now is: stay focused on what’s going on today and don’t make any decisions before their time.  I’m seeing a couple of benefits to this approach: each decision is being made only when needed so I’m not torturing myself with multiple irrelevant options, and all decisions are based on the facts as I know them at the time.  I’m doing the best I can each day and at each step, which is perfect.  (Remember the definition of perfect: it’s the best you can do that day. See Lessons from Yoga http://transitionsparkcoaching.blogspot.com/2010/10/lessons-from-yoga.html.)

If you’re also facing a scary situation, take things one stepping stone at a time, don’t make any decisions until its time, and don’t let fear sap your confidence.  “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage,” wrote Anais Nin. 

Having a coach to partner on your journey can provide support when you need it most.  For a complimentary, no obligation coaching session, give me a call, and I’ll help you stay grounded in ‘what is’ instead of falling victim to your nightmares.

Play To Your Strengths

In honor of the new Harry Potter movie, there were reruns of older Potter movies on tv last weekend which kept me glued to the tube.   I’m such a fan.  In Goblet of Fire before Harry faces the dragon challenge Professor Moody asks him, “what are your strengths?”  He goes on to say:  the other contestants are older and more experienced – they’ll have a strategy that plays to their strengths.  What are Harry’s strengths?  After thinking a minute Harry says, “I can fly.”  But he’s worried that the rules don’t allow him to bring a broom to the challenge.  Moody responds:  “You’re allowed a wand.”  Harry then uses his wand to call his broom, and the dragon chase is on. 

There are a number of great lessons in this sequence.  Harry used what he had (his wand) to call on resources that would enable him to use his strength (flying).  He wasn’t limited by the constraints of the rules.  In fact, those rules were designed to push Harry to get creative. 

Once Harry takes off on his broom, his challenge (a really mean dragon) breaks its chain to follow.  The same thing can happen to you.  The challenges you face can follow you to cause problems no matter where you go.  The key is to always look to your strengths to help you.  Even after Harry got knocked off his broom, he worked hard to it back because he knew the only way out of danger was to fly.  He didn’t try to conjure up something else.  He stuck with what he knew was his strength and triumphed in the end.

Do you know what your natural talents and strengths are?  When do you shine?  Have you ever done something that was challenging for some but effortless, easy and fun for you?  Discover the answer to these questions and then find ways to orient your job to play to those strengths.  You’ll be amazed at what you’ll accomplish and how much your confidence will grow. 

I often hear from clients that they don’t know what their strengths are, and they don’t know how to adjust their activities to play to those strengths. Just like flying, it takes practice, but it’s a life-changing journey worth starting. Once you become aware of your strengths, when you really own and appreciate them and consciously put them to work in your life, wonderful results happen.

So, if you don’t know what your strengths are, how do you find out?  Sometimes it’s hard to see what you look like when your nose is pressed up against the mirror.  You need to create a little distance to get some perspective.

One easy way to do this is carry a little notebook with you and anytime you feel like you’re really firing on all cylinders write down what you’re doing.  Don’t judge, just write down a brief note.  After a few weeks, look back over your notes and identify trends.

My favorite resource, however, is Gallup’s StrengthsFinder assessment.  The current version, StrengthsFinder 2.0, is a really powerful tool.  Once you take the online assessment you’ll get a detailed report listing your top 5 talent themes along with some great ideas on how to put those strengths to work. (Hint:  don't buy  this book used.  You need the one-time login contained in a sealed packet at the back of the book to take the assessment.)  

This is the heart of my coaching practice, and I’ve developed a four week package called Excavate Your Best Self Intensive where we work together to uncover your strengths so you can begin to put them to work for you every day.  If you’re interested in learning more, contact me at pnorton93@comcast.net, and let's get started.

Prosperity Meter

A couple of weeks ago my friend, Gary Schmidt, forwarded me an entry from the Abundance Blog at Marelisa Online (http://abundance-blog.marelisa-online.com/)  This is a great blog – check it out!  Here’s an extract from that entry:

Keith Cameron Smith explains in  The Top 10 Distinctions Between Millionaires and the Middle Class that millionaires think long-term, while everyone else thinks short-term. He breaks society down into five groups, and explains how each group thinks:

1.       The very poor think day to day.

2.       Poor people think week to week.

3.       The middle class thinks month to month.

4.       The rich think year to year.

5.       The very rich think decade to decade.

The very poor and the poor seek to survive; the middle class seeks comfort; and the rich and the very rich seek freedom.

The author adds that the middle class wants instant gratification: whatever they want, they charge it on their credit card or make a down payment with the intent of paying out the balance later on. After all, they’re focused on comfort. The rich put freedom ahead of gratifying immediate wants. It’s this long-term thinking that allows them to pull ahead.

The author was referencing financial wealth, but what about other types of wealth?  After all, money isn’t everything.  What about health wealth?  Or career wealth?  Can you think of ways to apply these same concepts to those important dimensions of your life?

It’s easy to see how this prosperity meter applies to health.  When my Dad was in the hospital he was on life support for the final three weeks.  It was truly day-to-day survival for him until the end.  Very, very poor health.  I acknowledge that I’m instant gratification girl when it comes to my daily diet and exercise habits.  I don’t have any serious issues other than being out of shape and too heavy – at least not yet.  But when I read the Abundance blog entry, it hit me:  I’m living on borrowed time. I need to get a grip on this aspect of my life before I slip down a notch on the meter.  I need to start adopting the behaviors of someone who is rich in health, putting off my immediate wants (pizza, ice cream, and a nap...) for long-term benefits.

What about your career wealth?  Over the past month or so I’ve spoken with multiple clients who were so burned out by their jobs they were struggling to get themselves to go to work the next day.  It was a struggle just to make it through the week until the weekend.  Many other people I know have jobs they don’t enjoy, jobs that don’t challenge them or enable them to utilize the best of themselves.  They’ve gotten comfortable with just showing up, and then they stay in those jobs year after year because of that comfort and the money.  People with rich careers have annual goals they’re working on.  They're pushing themselves and taking risks to get that next promotion or start their own business.  The truly career wealthy have a multi-year career plan.

What about you?  How many aspects of your life can you apply this framework to, and where do you fall on the meter?  Regardless of the answer, what steps can you take to begin the process of moving up a notch towards wealth whether it’s financial, health, career or any other dimension.