What If

When our inner Risk Manager is on the job, we think through various ‘what if’ scenarios.  What if xyz can’t deliver their project on time?  What if I get laid off?  What if my new job doesn’t work out?  What if he/she finds someone else?  What if, what if, what if.

Why is our inner Risk Manager is always looking at the downside?  Part of the value of that role, I suppose, is to prepare us for the worst-case scenario.  As with many businesses, though, we listen to Risk Management but we seldom take action on what it says.  We just add one more thing to our ‘worry about’ list. 

But putting it on our ‘worry about’ list doesn’t qualify as action.  It’s just a cycle of non-productive circular thinking.  We seldom lay out a plan or decide what to do to prevent or lessen the impact of what we’re worrying about.  We just fret and stew.

A few years ago after my Dad died my Mom started really worrying about me. If I didn’t call her for a few days she’d leave me voicemails telling me she was worried about me.  When cell phones were new I was talking to her standing in line at the cash register at Nordstrom.  Our connection got dropped, so I tried calling her back.  Her line was busy for the next 15 minutes.  When I finally got hold of her she was in hysterics thinking that someone had mugged me.  She had been frantically calling my brothers and her friends trying to find someone who would advise her what to do.  Luckily no one was home.  Over time I began to see two underlying reasons for her worry:  she was expressing love in a motherly way (even though I was 45 at the time), and she was afraid of being alone.

I recently heard someone say that to worry was to pray for something bad to happen.  Putting that energy out into the universe just gives it strength.  Think about that next time you indulge in a worry fest.  What are you giving strength to?  What do you worry about, and what might be the underlying issues or causes of that worry?  If you’re playing out horrible ‘what if’ scenarios in your mind, what action can you take to prepare, prevent, or lessen the impact of those various scenarios?

Better yet, how about playing a positive ‘what if’ game?  What if you lose the weight?  What if you get your dream job?  What if your idea turns out to be a money-maker?  Don’t indulge in fantasies like, what if I win the lottery.  Think about things that you can take action to manifest.  (By action I mean more than just buying a lottery ticket.)

If negative ‘what iffing’ puts bad energy out into the universe, positive ‘what iffing’ puts positive energy out into the universe.

Using this technique is a great way to get in touch with how it will feel after you take action to make your dream come true.  Close your eyes and allow yourself to indulge in the vision.  What will it look like, what will you feel like?  Use this awareness to motivate you to take action and stay on course as your work to make your dreams come true. 

Marcia Wieder, America’s Dream Coach^®, says “Intention is one of the most powerful forces in life.  Without it we can sometimes stray without meaning or direction in our lives.  But with it, all the forces of the universe can align to make even the most impossible, possible.”

What if you took action to make your dreams come true?  What if you dared to imagine your dream life?  Even if you feel like you’re standing at the bottom of a deep, dark well with no way to get out (been there…), go ahead and indulge in positive ‘what ifs.’  It only takes small steps to begin and will yield better results than your worry fest.

Earlier this year I was trained and certified by Marcia to coach her proven ten step process, Making Your Dreams Come True^®.  If you’d like to learn more, contact me for a free introductory session. 

Activity vs Accomplishment

First thing each morning I have a little ritual.  I read the front pages of CNN and People and my Facebook and LinkedIn pages before going to the Seattle Times to read the headlines, then do the crossword puzzle, Jumble, and Sudoku.  After that it’s over to the Seattle P-I to do the Sudoku and crossword puzzle.  Depending on the day of the week (and therefore the degree of difficulty of the puzzles), this can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour.  I cozy up in my PJs with the hot cup of coffee and settle in.

When I first started working for myself at home, I actually felt like I had done something after I had gotten through it all.  Doing all those puzzles required brain power, and once they were done I felt a sense of completion and felt I deserved a break.

It took me a few months to figure out that this misplaced focus wasn’t helping build my coaching business.   Different personal practices were needed.  Now I get up, make coffee, read the headlines, do the puzzles, then get dressed, make the bed, and it’s time to start work.  I no longer confuse doing the puzzles with value-added work.

How about you?  Are you super busy, swamped in fact, but not getting anywhere?  The first time I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey I was really struck by the distinction between ‘urgent’ and ‘important.’  I know I wasn’t alone in having missed this important distinction.  And it’s getting harder!  In our current environment of 24/7 email, phone, and instant message full-frontal access, we feel obligated to be plugged in and respond RIGHT NOW to every communique we receive and to even initiate communications just for the sake of communicating because it makes us feel connected and important.

It’s also a bit of an addiction and definitely a way to distract ourselves from doing something new, or challenging.  Like my puzzles.  I could feel like I had accomplished something, but it was really blatant  procrastination – a distraction from doing the really important but scary stuff like  going to networking events, selling, and marketing my coaching services.

I’ll bet a lot of us could be less busy and create more space in our jobs and our lives for the important things – the things that matter most to us – if we stepped back and got clear about the distinction between urgent and important, and better utilized our time by not confusing activity with accomplishment.

Seth Godin had a great post on his blog last December about the worst and most ineffective boss we’ll ever have: ourselves.   Check it out:

Seth Godin - The world's worst boss

One way to dig yourself out of this corner can be summed up in one word:  impact.  What is the impact of your activities on your goals?  My goal is to grow a thriving coaching business that helps people create the life and career of their dreams.  What impact is an hour of doing puzzles having on that goal?  None, zip, zero, nil.  It’s relaxing and gets my mind working in the morning, so I don’t deprive myself, but I also no longer confuse that activity with accomplishment.  I also have a really long To Do list, but I now put that list through the filter of the goals I have for this ‘growing’ stage of my business.  The questions I ask are all about impact not about how quickly I could cross lots of little urgent-ish, but not important things off my list leaving only one or two monster tasks.  It’s those monster tasks that will have the most impact and are therefore the most important.

Try this approach at home or at work if you’re having a hard time creating space for what matters.   If you need help, give me a buzz.

Make Time for Happiness

There are times when nothing seems to be going our way.  During those high-stress times, which are hopefully infrequent, we need an anchor to help us ride out the storm. When you’re in rough water it’s really important to make time for the things in your life that make you happy.  Nothing reduces stress like laughter and joy, even if it’s only for few minutes.

Josh, a friend and former teammate is crazy about his wife and two beautiful little girls.  There’s no question that his family is his number one priority.  Josh therefore arranges his work schedule so he can be home in time to have dinner and play with his girls in the evening.  If he’s in the ‘heavy lifting’ phase of a project and has more work than he can get done in a day, he’ll jump back online for a couple of hours after the girls go to bed.  Josh knows what makes him happy.  Carving out the time to make sure those activities are included in his day – every day – no matter how busy is part of why he was (and I imagine still is) such a joy to work with no matter how hot the pressure cooker gets at work.

Do you know what makes you happy?  Do you know what matters most to you?  Do you consciously arrange your day and create space in your life for joy, laughter, and the activities and people who bring you happiness?

I speak with so many people who get teary-eyed when I ask these questions.  The surface answer is ‘no.’  The underlying issues usually fall into two categories: 

v    People are out of touch with what matters and what makes them happy.

v    People aren’t appropriately setting boundaries because they don’t believe they deserve to be happy, they feel the needs of others are more important, or they’re afraid of the consequences.

A few years ago I hired a project manager from another group within Washington Mutual.  Before she joined my team she was managing six different projects – a couple of which were very large and complex. When she came to work for me I assigned her to manage one project, but it had to be flawlessly executed since it impacted every deposit transaction in every branch.  After a couple of weeks she didn’t know what to do with herself.  It took her about 3 months to figure out that I wasn’t going to fire her if she didn’t work 8 – 9 hours a day in the office and then go home and work another 4 hours.  Over the years her health had suffered from this harried lifestyle, but after a few months of a reasonable schedule she got a dog and started going out for walks after dinner.  Her health and outlook on life improved, as did the quality of her work.   Everything about her got lighter because she made time for happiness in her days.  She had felt that she would be fired from her previous job if she declined taking on new projects, and I applaud her for taking the initiative to make a change.

Do you wish you were like Samantha on Bewitched?  Just wiggle your nose and change your circumstances or transport yourself to a different space and time.  Sorry, real life doesn’t work that way.  But you can decide what matters most, know what makes you happy, and then begin to arrange your life to get more of those things into your days.  It can be scary to think you might need to change your current circumstances.  Don’t feel like you have to jump off a bridge.  Start by making a list of what matters and what makes you happy, even if you can only think of three things.  Add to it as you think of more.  You can then begin to carve out some time each day to feed your soul and re-set some boundaries, if needed.

If this is hard for you or you feel burned out beyond recovery, a coach like me can help.  I offer complimentary consultations that can give you a boost.  Send me a note, and let’s get started.

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