When The Going Gets Tough

I love quotes.  I keep a document on my laptop with my favorite sayings, and when I’m feeling down or befuddled, I read through them.  It’s like a private chat with a good friend or a coach.  I usually find some nugget of inspiration or a new way of looking at things that lifts me up and provides a fresh perspective.  Kind of a little reboot.

An oldie but a goodie is: when the going gets tough, the tough get going. 

This quote can be used a number of ways.  If the going gets tough and I’m in hiding-out mode, it inspires me to get back in the game, even though I don’t describe myself as ‘tough.’  I revise the quote to say, when the going gets tough, successful people get going.

Turn it into a game!  How many ways can you change this old saying?  Here are three more ideas:

When the going gets tough…the professional/grown-up gets help.

How many times have I seen this situation.  There’s a big mess, and someone will hunker down and try to figure it out or resolve it themselves.  They’re like an angry child protecting a toy yelling, “mine!  Get away!”  There are a couple of things going on here.  You’ve got a control freak who thinks they’re smarter than everyone else and if we’d all just leave them alone, they’d fix it. Or someone who feels that if the problem comes to light, they’ll get blamed for it and they don’t want anyone to see.  Either way, you’re dealing with someone who cares more about being right than getting a good result.  Grownups know that a team pulling together without big egos can produce much more powerful results than a single person or a really small team working off in a corner on their own.  Yes, it might take more effort to coordinate across a bigger group, and yes, compromises may be required.  But the outcome will almost always be a stronger, longer lasting, and more widely accepted solution.

When the going gets tough…it’s time to follow your gut and heart.

When things aren’t going well and we feel besieged, often we try to ‘think’ our way through.  We re-examine the evidence, pour over our well-laid plans, look at the numbers, and try to plot the logical route through the minefield.  In an effort to come up with the answers, we sometimes forget to check in with our best on-site consultants, our gut and our heart.  Creative answers don’t always lie in the data.  Sometimes what a situation calls for is a dose of intuition.  I speak with so many clients who have decades of experience, yet they doubt the ingrained inner knowing that has accumulated over the years.  Listening to your gut can yield some great out-of-the box creative thinking.  In some circumstances if you slow down, breath, and listen to your heart, that voice of truth will tell you that the situation or path you’re on doesn’t fit your life anymore.  It’s time to make a change, and whatever problem you’re trying to solve is not the real problem.  People seldom arrive at that moment of truth through thinking – it’s something they need to feel. 

When the going gets tough…it’s time to laugh.

One of my most endearing and beloved memories of the time my Dad died was how we, as a family, found and enjoyed humor up to the end.  Waiting in the pre-op area of the hospital before the surgery to remove my Dad’s esophagus (He had esophageal cancer.), Dad joked, “what am I doing?  I feel fine.  I don’t have any symptoms.”  When his surgeon, the epitome of cranky bedside manner, came in to chat, Dad repeated this comment.  His surgeon, with an absolute deadpan face and voice said, “then we’re gonna give you some. “ Mom, Dad, and I laughed so hard.  I think other people in the area thought we were nuts.  Were we running away from how scared we were feeling?  Perhaps, but it helped me deal with what turned out to be one of the last conversations with my father.  I love it that we laughed at such a time.

When the going gets tough, how do you respond?

Set Goals for Success

My niece, Nikki, is one of my heroes.  She knows what she wants, and she consistently makes decisions that take her in that direction.  When she gets gift certificates for her birthday or Christmas, she saves them up so she can have something she wants, unlike her aunt.  I’m instant gratification girl.  If I get a gift certificate I need to spend it.  It burns a hole in my wallet, and Now! Now! Now! isn’t soon enough to go shopping regardless of whether or not I need or want anything.

So goals are hard for me.  Well, setting goals isn’t hard.  In my years working in corporate America, planning was a big part of my job.  But sticking to the plan is a challenge for me especially if it something just for me vs doing something for someone else.  If this sounds like familiar, here are some ways to look differently at setting and attaining goals.

What do you really want.  It’s important to be clear about that.  How can you get something if you can’t name it?  Your goals and your intentions need to be specific.  Break them down to the core details so you understand them from all angles.  If you want to lose weight, what’s behind that goal?  To look better?  For health reasons?  Are you feeling a bit old and want to be ‘lean and mean’ again?  Are you in a dark place and want to stop hating how you look and therefore hating yourself?  The more honest you can be and the more detail you can uncover, the more options you can explore for how to reach your goal.

There’s a quote from Maya Angelou which inspired Oprah for years:  When you know better you’ll do better.  But even though we all know the health hazards of smoking, so many people struggle to quit.  Smokers I know cite a number of things they get from smoking:  pain relief, relaxation and stress relief, something to do with their hands and/or mouth.  Until they change their feelings about smoking, they’ll probably struggle trying to quite.  People change in response to their emotions, not knowledge and logic.  As you break down your goal and look at what’s driving you to have that goal, examine your feelings along the way.

Set goals that work for you.  For me, that’s shorter-term, actionable goals.  Losing 40 pounds may be the result you want, but at the safe and recommended 1.5 to 2 pounds a week, that’s  – yikes!  20 weeks aka 5 months as a best case, you rocked it, scenario.  If you like your gratification instant (like me), that’s way too long to wait.  However, if you set daily goals that take you in the direction you want to go, like having one meal a day be salad and doing 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week, you can track progress to those specific, action-oriented goals and build on them over time.  

Along the lines of setting goals around action you can take daily, don’t defer your life until you reach your final destination.  If you want to pay off your debt in 2 years, try to incorporate some of the rewards of reaching that goal into your life sooner.   That’s not an invitation to spend like there’s no tomorrow.  Examine what paying down your debt means to you and how it will feel.  Does it mean freedom?  Or security?  Look for other ways to create those feelings for yourself today.

Every good plan has a contingency plan built in.  If you make short-term, daily/weekly action commitments, you can incorporate rewards and a support system along the way.   How will you stay accountable to your intentions?  The buddy system works great, so recruit a friend who has similar goals or is working towards something and keep each other motivated and on track.  Hiring a coach (like me!) is another great strategy.  When you put some skin in the game, your chances of success skyrocket. 

I can’t wait to hear about your goals and dreams.  Contact me.