Boost Your Confidence

Here it is, your big chance.  You know your stuff.  When you’re facing a big situation at work, whether finally getting an interview with the hiring manager of your dream job, making an important presentation to an executive team, or calling on a new client, couldn’t you use a jolt of confidence? 

You go over your stuff again and again, trying to think of how you would handle every question or objection and praying that you’ll actually remember all this when you get to the key moment.  Where is your inner superhero when you need them? 

Who knew that mild-mannered business suit clad Clark Kent was wearing another suit underneath.  And who could forget that famous scene in the movie Superman when Clark tore open his dress shirt to reveal his Superman suit with that big-ass bright red ‘S.’

When you’re under the gun and need to bring your best game, you, too, can be like Clark Kent and wear a shirt under your shirt.  This is one of my favorite tips on personal branding.  There’s a lot written about personal branding.  My version is a little more light-hearted. 

If you could walk into any situation imagining that you’re wearing a magic t-shirt under your clothes that bolsters your confidence, what would your t-shirt have on it?  It could be anything.  That’s what makes it fun, but too many choices make it difficult.  Here’s how to come up with yours.

Step 1:  Make a list of 10 words that describe who you are when you’re at your best.  Here are some words to get your creative juices flowing:

• Achiever
• Adaptable
• Assertive
• Charismatic
• Confident
• Connected
• Creative
• Diplomatic
• Direct
• Energetic
• Entrepreneurial
• Fair
• Focused
• Friendly
• Fun
• Good listener
• Hard-working
• Independent
• Intelligent
• Intuitive
• Leader
• Logical
• Loyal
• Open
• Original
• Passionate
• Personable
• Pragmatic
• Precise
• Principled
• Supportive
• Resourceful
• Prudent

Step 2:  What do you do well; what are your strengths?  A great assessment I use with all of my private clients is Gallup’s StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tim Rath.  Buy the book with the online access code, and after taking the online survey you’ll get a detailed report of your top 5 talent themes along with lots of coaching ideas for how to build on those strengths.

Come up with 5 concrete examples of your strengths at work – accomplishments that show a pattern of how you contribute no matter what job you’re in.  For example, do you make order out of chaos, rally people around a common vision, identify efficiencies by analyzing existing processes?

Step 3:  Once you’ve got these 2 lists, let your intuition take over.  What speaks to you?  Is it a character from fiction or the movies, a quote, a personal hero?  You may have to noodle on this for a couple of days.  I’ve done this exercise with clients for years, and it’s always fun to see what people come up with.

Josh is young, upbeat, and when to going gets tough he gets focused.  So his imaginary t-shirt has a photo of Luke Skywalker flying down into the death star at the end of Star Wars.

When you need to make sure something gets done, put Michelle in charge.  Her t-shirt would have the quote by Harry S. Truman, “The buck stops here.”

I’m results-oriented, pragmatic, not afraid to do things differently with a touch of humor.  My t-shirt has a picture of the scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark when Indiana Jones, facing the fearsome sword wielder, takes out his gun and shoots him.

Have fun with this.  Don’t be shy – you don’t have the share your t-shirt with anyone.  Just keep it in mind when you walk into that big situation.

Navigating Conflicts At Work

Hell is other people.  This was one of my mother’s favorite sayings.  Some days other people are fun and some days they’re hell.  

If you find yourself mumbling, why can’t everyone see things the way I do, or I’m right and everyone else is stupid, it’s time to take a bigger view.  It takes two to tango, and you need to  to take responsibility for your role in your relationships.

Have a Champion Mindset:

People have different personalities, strengths, levels of knowledge and experience.  That’s the joy and the hassle.  You’re going to encounter people who are different from you and who see the world differently.  When you’re at the top of your professional game, when you’re a champion – capable, strong, and confident - you’ll figure out how to make these differences work for you.  If you have strengths in ABC and your coworker has strengths in DEF, you’ll set personal feelings aside and figure out how to partner. 

When you aren’t at the champion level, you might feel insecure about your capabilities or the security of your position.  As a result, you view these differences as either a threat or a spotlight shining down on what you perceive to be your weaknesses. 

Champions focus on their strengths and on what works.  “Be interested in finding the best way, not in having your own way.”  (John Wooden)

Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong – Who Cares:

Sometimes style differences can cause conflicts.  It doesn’t mean someone is better or more right – just different.  Here are a couple of examples:

• You’re a big picture person and your boss is focused on the details - OK, they’re a micro-manager.  Their constant questioning and looking over your shoulder has gotten insulting.  Don’t fall into the trap of thinking their need to micro-manage has anything to do with your capabilities.  It could be a result of their background; e.g., they came from a highly tactical, operational job into a more strategic function.  But it could also be an indication of their own insecurities; i.e., they’re new to their job or new to being at their level.  There are multiple approaches you can take depending on the circumstances.  Discuss what they need from you.  Perhaps they need predictability, or frequent updates.  You might need to negotiate some of these relationship terms.  Of course if they do have concerns about your capabilities, don’t wait for your performance review to find that out.  Try to get those things to come to surface ASAP so you can work on them.

• You may be in a job that’s the wrong situation for your strengths.  It doesn’t mean you’re not capable, you’re just in the wrong job.  You may be a decisive, get-it-done activator type.  Your approach is all about speed, and your motto is:  fix and fall forward.  There are organizations that value your comfort with risk, ability to make smart decisions quickly and learn on the go.  However, if you’re working for an organization where the nature of the business requires that things be heavily researched, analyzed and confirmed before they’re rolled out, you’ll be frustrated and they’ll be frustrated with you.  

If you have an unresolvable style difference with your company or your boss, don’t let it undermine your confidence.  It doesn’t mean you’re not capable, and it doesn’t mean there’s anything bad about  your current situation.  It’s just not right for you.  It’s time to find a situation that’s a better fit.

If you’re embroiled in a personality conflict, step back to see different sides of the situation, acknowledge other styles and points of view and try to let go of your own emotional response.  Don’t roll over and whimper and don’t put up with daily negativity.  Life's too short.  Find a path through the conflicts or find your way out of the maze.