What Is Your Recipe for Success?

What is your secret formula for success – your own personal recipe?  What are the ingredients?  What about yourself contributes to your success?  Can you sum it up in 3 to 5 points?

I asked myself this question today, and here’s what I came up with:

When I’ve been successful, it’s been because:

1. I'm a person who can see the big picture.
2. I have control over how things go and can create the rules.
3. I love what I'm going or I'm really interested in it.

I can see a picture developing that says a lot about who I am.  I’m a very independent person, and I like a lot … A LOT … of autonomy.  I’ve lived by myself since I was 21 after getting divorced.  I thrive in work situations where I’m given an objective and then get to figure out how to get to the finish line. I’m interested in a lot of things.  No surprises here.

Then I actually wrote down the times I’ve achieved success.  Things that came to mind first, of course, were work related – projects and other activities I had accomplished in my career.  

Then I expanded my thinking.  When was I most successful losing weight?  I felt successful shepherding my family, especially my mother, through the death of my father.  I made a life for myself when I moved to city where I didn’t know anyone.  I sometimes win best speaker or best evaluator at my Toastmasters club. 

Little things, big things, work things, personal things, it all went into my journal.  When I wrote all of this down and examined each situation, I was surprised to see a different set of answers – a different recipe.

When I’ve been successful it’s because:

I'm supported by a team or by someone.  I like working with people, and I need the accountability of working with others.  My most successful weight loss efforts were when I went to the Diet Center many years ago.  You had to go and weigh in every day…yes every day.  You stood on the scale (hoping your clothes weighed less than what you wore yesterday) and looked the counselor in the eye.  I was also successful when I worked one-on-one with a trainer at the gym.

I can find new ways of looking at things.  It’s an extension of making my own rules, and it speaks to how my mind works.  I like to look at things from different angles, synthesize disparate pieces of information, and see things others don’t.  I did this multiple times in my career, and it’s part of what makes me a good coach.

I play the role I’m best suited for that plays to my strengths.  I saw this again and again in my work, and after I read the book StrengthsFinder 2.0 about 5 years ago and consciously put that information to work, I was able to create more situations for myself in the job I had at the time that played to my strengths. I also helped my team do the same, which was the impetus for my becoming a professional coach.

I learned multiple things through this exercise.  Just the process of recapping my successes put me in a better mood, and thinking about my personal recipe for success reminded me of what I need to do and what resources I need to have in place to create success.

The most important lesson I learned, however, was that I had pre-conceived notions about what made me successful, and that picture was not complete. 

When I buckled down and outlined the facts, I found a richer, deeper answer.  Yes, I’m an independent person who likes A LOT of autonomy, but I need to create an environment where I can play to my strengths and have a support system.  My ability to make my own rules comes from looking at things from different angles and seeing solutions and opportunities others miss.

So what’s your recipe for success?  Try it!  Jot down three points, then pour a cup of coffee and recap your successes.  When you look at the actual evidence, do you see a fuller, richer answer?  Did you catch yourself having a pre-conceived limited view of yourself?  What changes or tweaks can you make today to create more opportunities for success?

Start Creating Your Own Success

The number one determining factor of whether you’ll be successful lies within you.  Even if you need a positive answer from someone else like a client or a key stakeholder, the biggest success factor is inside you.  You are the key - more specifically, what you think and truly believe about yourself, about the situation, and about your expectation for success.

When you talk to yourself (come on, I know you do, just like I know you sing in the car…like me), what are you saying? 

Some people aren’t aware of how they talk to themselves.  Some people say things to and about themselves that they’d never say to someone they care about.

I love this quote:

 “Perfectionism is self abuse of the highest order.” 

Ann Wilson Schaef

If you want to create positive change in your life, you need to make sure your biggest asset is on your side.  That asset is you.  If you are undermining your own results, getting in your own way with limiting beliefs, low self-esteem and negative self talk, it’s time to change. 

Change starts deep within, and it can be a long process.  But that doesn’t mean you should put it off to tomorrow.  Get started right away. 

Here’s one small step you can take:  pay attention to how you talk to yourself and catch yourself in the act of negative self-talk.  Next time you hear that voice inside your head saying something negative, something that you would never say to someone else, STOP!!!  Close your eyes, take a breath, and replace those negative thoughts with something positive.

Seems too simple to work, but try it anyway.  Come up with something true and meaningful, maybe even something that makes you smile.  Don’t use something Pollyanna-ish that you don’t believe.

People in advertising make a fortune thinking up memorable and fun slogans.  Why not adopt a couple of your favorites and use them as your very own.  Here are 20 of my favorites.  Can you guess who they’re from?  (answers are below)

1.            Imagine possible.

2.            Never follow.

3.            Have fun while doing good.

4.            Life’s messy.  Clean it up!

5.            When you’ve got it, flaunt it.

6.            Have it your way.

7.            Play. Laugh. Grow. 

8.            Imagination at work.

9.            Never let ‘em see you sweat.

10.        Don’t get mad.  Get GLAD.

11.        It’s time for clarity.

12.        Because I’m worth it. 

13.        Wake up and drive. 

14.        Break out of the ordinary. 

15.        Just do it. 

16.        No rules.  Just right. 

17.        Something to smile about. 

18.        Takes a licking and keeps on ticking. 

19.        It’s not a job.  It’s an adventure.

20.        Imagine it.  Done. 

Turning around negative self-talk is a great first step on the journey towards more control over your own results and success.  Here’s another great quote:

Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
–unknown

Do you have a favorite slogan or affirmation?  Share it in the comments below.

1. AT&T
2.  Audi
3. Ben & Jerry’s
4. Bissell
5. Braniff Airlines
6. Burger King
7. Fisher Price
8. General Electric
9.  Gillette Dry Idea
10. GLAD
11.  KPMG
12. L’Oreal
13. Mitsubishi Motors
14. Nestles Butterfinger
15. Nike
16. Outback Steakhouse
17. Quaker Oats
18. Timex
19. U.S. Navy
20. Unisys

Create Your Own Happiness

In 1984 I relocated from Seattle to Los Angeles to take a promotion at work.  It was a great opportunity, so I took a risk and made the move even though I didn’t know anyone in LA. 

What happened?  HATED IT!!!!  I arrived New Years Eve, 1984 and lived the first month in a corporate apartment at Marina del Rey.  After work I walked around the boats and just cried.  Everything was concrete, and I was so lonely.

I found a cute little apartment near Redondo Beach, but my job wasn’t going well.  That “big” raise I got didn’t cover the increased cost of living.  And the heat!  I’m a Northwest girl.  Anything over 75 is just too hot for me.  The daily 2 hour commute to downtown LA in a VW Beetle with no air conditioning was hell.  I started actively hating everything – my job, my life, myself.

On New Years Day, 1986 I sat down with my journal and took stock.  At the end of year one, I was a mess.  All I wanted was to go home.  But a little voice inside said, are you really such a quitter?  Have you really tried to like it here?  The answer was no.

I made a conscious decision that day to make an effort to make the most of my situation and be happy.  The bargain I struck was that I’d really try, and if on January 1, 1987 I was still miserable, I could pack up and go home.  Until then, I had to make an honest effort to find the good in my life.

I loved living near the beach, so I walked and jogged along the bike path.  I sought out friends, even if they lived an hour away.  I joined the LA County Art Museum, and went to concerts at the Greek Theater even by myself.  I reached out to a woman who lived nearby and worked in my department.  Hope and I are still close, and I miss her every day. 

At the end of my second year in LA my life wasn’t my dream come true, but I experienced firsthand the power and possibility of taking responsibility for my own happiness. 

Here’s the secret:  happiness comes from inside – you own it.  It doesn’t come to you or find you from outside things and circumstances.   

I have a little plaque on my desk that says:  "Life isn’t about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself."  Same thing with happiness.   Happiness doesn’t find you.  You create it for yourself.

If you’re waiting for Mr/Ms Right to make you happy, you’ll wait a lifetime.  If you’re waiting to find your dream job so you can be happy at work, your career will be drudgery.  Let’s face it.  When you’re miserable, everything sucks.  It’s when you’re happy that you will attract a great partner and can appreciate what they have to offer.  When you’re happy you have the self esteem to create your dream job.

It's not a chicken and egg thing.  If you’re not happy today, try this:  decide to be happy and then implement daily practices that help you break the cycle of your glass half-empty outlook.  

Does this sound woo woo?   It is!  And it works.  Are you saying, yeah, Pam, I know this already – this is nothing new.  My response is, yes, this is common sense.  But if you’re not happy ask yourself:  what are you actually doing about it?  What daily actions are you taking?  Or are you sitting back with your arms crossed waiting to feel happy?

Start with small, everyday actions.  Here are some ideas (even for you macho guys):

Practice gratitude.   My fellow Toastmaster, Brett Dupree, had a great quote at our Kirkland Eclectics meeting last week:  “Celebrate the little things in your life, and your life will become one big party. “ So, party on!  Soon you’ll have bigger things to celebrate.

Mantras and positive self talk.  Here’s a great mantra from Fabienne Frederickson of Client Attraction:  “I did not wake up this morning to be mediocre.”  Find a mantra that works for you, write it down and look at it at least twice a day. 

When you catch yourself saying something negative to or about yourself, even inside your head, stop and say something positive instead.  If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, say:  my eyebrows look fabulous today!  Say anything positive you can think of, no matter how trivial it seems.  The key is positive self-talk.

 

Get those endorphins flowing.  Do things that get you moving and lift your mood like walking, yoga, or kickboxing.  Do whatever works for you and whatever you’ll do consistently.

Make the commitment.  If you’ve got a shitty outlook, acknowledge it and take responsibility for creating something better.  It will take persistent and consistent action, but when your mind is in a better place and your outlook is sunnier, you’ll find that your dream partner/job/life begins to come into being.  Embrace and enjoy.  

How To Be Happy at Work

Why can’t you go faster?  What more can be done?  I heard those questions from executive management practically non-stop for 3 years.  I ran a program to reduce deposit fraud at a bank whose losses were nine times industry average.  It was my job to quickly get changes implemented to reverse years of under-investment and find that critical balance between customer service and being victimized by fraudster customers. 

My team was doing a great job, we had fantastic partners in technology which enabled us to implement seven new systems in three years, branch administration who spearheaded big changes in culture and tools used by thousands of individuals on millions of transactions, and back office operations who did so much with so little.

But management kept pressing demanding more, faster, better.  Every few months they’d send the Six Sigma-light brigade in on a fruitless quest to find the key – that one thing that could be changed to crack the nut.  But my team and partners knew there was no magic key.  Reversing the trend would take years of smart decisions and hard work. 

The one thing that kept me sane for the first 2 of those 3 years was my senior manager. (Don’t ask about year three – it was hell.)  She shielded me, I’m sure, from the hottest winds blowing down from the executive suite.  Her parting words at the end of difficult meetings were, “We’ll get there.”

Just three little words, but they meant the world to me.  They told me she understood the challenges, supported our strategy, and most importantly had confidence that we would, in fact, get there.  I sighed with relief and buckled down anew every time I heard those words:  we’ll get there.

That doesn’t mean she went easy on me.  She asked hard questions and pushed back to make sure we were thinking things through and weighing all the risks and options.  But no matter what, I knew she was there for me.  She was a key component in my support infrastructure that also included my fabulous team, key partners, and of course my friends.

How strong is your support infrastructure?  Do you have a manager and a management chain up the organizational ladder who understands what you do and values your contribution?  Do you have a network of colleagues who you can kick around ideas with and vent to when needed? 

My own experience matches the findings of recent research on the secret to happiness at work .  Looking back at my favorite jobs, no matter what the job or how challenging, one of the common elements is that I had a supportive network in my workplace.

If you’re not happy in your current job, one of the causes might be a lack of a support infrastructure.  Here are three things to ask yourself:

Describe your relationship with your manager.  Does she/he understand what you do?  Does she/he value your contribution?  People will take a job because of the company, but they will likely leave a job because of their manager. 

Do you have friends at work, even if they’re just “work friends?”  Do you have organizational allies, or do you feel like you’re paddling alone?

Do you feel like you have the opportunity to succeed or do you feel you’re being set up to fail.   Are you in the right job?  Sometimes through no one’s fault, we find ourselves in the wrong job.  Perhaps there was a reorganization, and you got moved.  A new manager came in with a different vision.  You took a job that turned out to be different from what you thought it would be.

We spend at least 40 percent of our waking hours each week at work.  If you’re not happy at work, it’s likely you will not be happy…period. 

Before you decide to chuck it and find another job, see if you can build a support infrastructure in your current job.  It might take stretching outside your comfort zone, especially if you’re an introvert, and you might have to swallow your ego a bit.  But progress will be worth the effort.

Contact me if you need help. 

Build Your Dream Muscles

When people seek me out for coaching they often have a specific goal in mind. They need to find a new job, they want to find a new job, they want to figure out how to improve their performance in their current job, or they want to change careers.  One of the first questions I ask new clients is, what are your dreams. What would you like to accomplish?  Where would you like to take your life?  If you could have a different career, what would you be doing? 

Sometimes people have answers that they're happy to share, and sometimes they have answers, but they’re hesitant to share.  After all, telling someone your dreams puts it out there.  All of a sudden you’re vulnerable and the clock starts ticking.  But it’s also very freeing.  When you dare to admit out loud to someone that you have a dream, it comes to the forefront of your thinking.   The genie is out of the bottle. 

Unfortunately I often talk to people who don’t have a dream or can’t think of one.  Their visionary muscles are weak or they feel beaten down by the constant noise of their everyday lives.  Sometimes when people are unhappy, they craft dreams.  Other people become blocked.  Visionary thinking is like a muscle, use it or lose it.

Our problem solving muscles get a lot of use in our every day.  We’re solving problems at work, with our family, figuring out how to avoid traffic.  It’s part of our job and our culture, so we get very comfortable in this mode.  But problem solving means there’s a problem to solve.  There’s an external catalyst for our creativity, a question to be answered, a situation to fix.

With visionary thinking and dreaming, there’s often no external catalyst.  It’s more of a vague notion of a desire to go in a direction, or a curiosity – an internal catalyst.  It’s like having a blank sheet of paper or blank canvas with no assignment on what to create. 

Imagine you’re facing a blank sheet of paper.  Can you set your imagination free or do you have writers’ block?  If you answered ‘writers block,’ you need to do some visionary strength training. 

Start with something fun.  Here’s a great exercise from the February issue of O Magazine.  Finish these sentences:

I'm most creative...

If I were a color, I'd be... (and why)

I often imagine myself...

I really wish I knew how to...

I'd love to spend a lazy Sunday...

My secret talent is...

Tell your life story in 6 words.  (See how many versions you can come up with!)

Here is the first one that came to my mind – the story of my life in so many ways:

Fall down, get up, start over.

Another great way to tap into your dreamer is to meditate.  There are so many ways to meditate  beyond staring at your navel.  Do anything that quiets your mind.  Walk in nature, garden, play the piano, practice yoga, ride your bike somewhere away from traffic.  Allow your mind to quiet down.  It may take a bit of practice, but your intuition and dreamer will begin to emerge. 

Resist the urge to shut down any ideas or dreams that may arise with questions like, how will I ever do that, or that’s impossible.  Just see what comes up.  And practice, practice, practice.  You’ll find that your problem solving skills will also improve, but more importantly there may be a wonderful dream just waiting to be uncovered.

I’m a certified Dream Coach™ through Marcia Wieder’s Dream University.  I’m running a special on her transformational 10 step Making Your Dreams Come True^® process.  To learn more, contact me.