In 1984 I relocated from Seattle to Los Angeles to take a
promotion at work. It was a great
opportunity, so I took a risk and made the move even though I didn’t know
anyone in LA.
What happened? HATED
IT!!!! I arrived New Years Eve, 1984 and
lived the first month in a corporate apartment at Marina del Rey. After work I walked around the boats and just
cried. Everything was concrete, and I
was so lonely.
I found a cute little apartment near Redondo Beach, but my
job wasn’t going well. That “big” raise
I got didn’t cover the increased cost of living. And the heat!
I’m a Northwest girl. Anything
over 75 is just too hot for me. The daily
2 hour commute to downtown LA in a VW Beetle with no air conditioning was hell.
I started actively hating everything – my job, my life, myself.
On New Years Day, 1986 I sat down with my journal and took
stock. At the end of year one, I was a
mess. All I wanted was to go home. But a little voice inside said, are you
really such a quitter? Have you really
tried to like it here? The answer was no.
I made a conscious decision that day to make an effort to make
the most of my situation and be happy.
The bargain I struck was that I’d really try, and if on January 1, 1987
I was still miserable, I could pack up and go home. Until then, I had to make an honest effort to
find the good in my life.
I loved living near the beach, so I walked and jogged along
the bike path. I sought out friends,
even if they lived an hour away. I joined
the LA County Art Museum, and went to concerts at the Greek Theater even by
myself. I reached out to a woman who
lived nearby and worked in my department. Hope and I are still close, and I miss her
every day.
At the end of my second year in LA my life wasn’t my dream come
true, but I experienced firsthand the power and possibility of taking responsibility
for my own happiness.
Here’s the secret: happiness comes from inside – you own it. It
doesn’t come to you or find you from outside things and circumstances.
I have a little plaque on my desk that says: "Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." Same thing with happiness. Happiness doesn’t find you. You create it for yourself.
If you’re waiting for Mr/Ms Right to make you happy, you’ll
wait a lifetime. If you’re waiting to
find your dream job so you can be happy at work, your career will be drudgery. Let’s face it.
When you’re miserable, everything sucks.
It’s when you’re happy that you will attract a great partner and can appreciate
what they have to offer. When you’re
happy you have the self esteem to create your dream job.
It's not a chicken and egg thing. If you’re not happy today, try this: decide to be happy and then implement daily
practices that help you break the cycle of your glass half-empty outlook.
Does this sound woo woo?
It is! And it works. Are you saying, yeah, Pam, I know this
already – this is nothing new. My
response is, yes, this is common sense.
But if you’re not happy ask yourself:
what are you actually doing about it?
What daily actions are you taking?
Or are you sitting back with your arms crossed waiting to feel happy?
Start with small, everyday actions. Here are some ideas (even for you macho guys):
Practice gratitude. My fellow Toastmaster, Brett Dupree, had a
great quote at our Kirkland
Eclectics meeting last week: “Celebrate
the little things in your life, and your life will become one big party. “ So,
party on! Soon you’ll have bigger things
to celebrate.
Mantras and positive
self talk. Here’s a great mantra
from Fabienne Frederickson of Client
Attraction: “I did not wake up this
morning to be mediocre.” Find a mantra
that works for you, write it down and look at it at least twice a day.
When you catch yourself saying something negative to or
about yourself, even inside your head, stop and say something positive instead. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror,
say: my eyebrows look fabulous
today! Say anything positive you can
think of, no matter how trivial it seems.
The key is positive self-talk.
Get those endorphins
flowing. Do things that get you moving
and lift your mood like walking, yoga, or kickboxing. Do whatever works for you and whatever you’ll
do consistently.
Make the commitment. If
you’ve got a shitty outlook, acknowledge it and take responsibility for
creating something better. It will take
persistent and consistent action, but when your mind is in a better place and
your outlook is sunnier, you’ll find that your dream partner/job/life begins to
come into being. Embrace and enjoy.
Pam thanks for sharing your fascinating story that does such a great job illustrating your points about happiness. Feeling gratitude for having read this. Happiness is truly all in perspective.
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