Create Your Own Happiness

In 1984 I relocated from Seattle to Los Angeles to take a promotion at work.  It was a great opportunity, so I took a risk and made the move even though I didn’t know anyone in LA. 

What happened?  HATED IT!!!!  I arrived New Years Eve, 1984 and lived the first month in a corporate apartment at Marina del Rey.  After work I walked around the boats and just cried.  Everything was concrete, and I was so lonely.

I found a cute little apartment near Redondo Beach, but my job wasn’t going well.  That “big” raise I got didn’t cover the increased cost of living.  And the heat!  I’m a Northwest girl.  Anything over 75 is just too hot for me.  The daily 2 hour commute to downtown LA in a VW Beetle with no air conditioning was hell.  I started actively hating everything – my job, my life, myself.

On New Years Day, 1986 I sat down with my journal and took stock.  At the end of year one, I was a mess.  All I wanted was to go home.  But a little voice inside said, are you really such a quitter?  Have you really tried to like it here?  The answer was no.

I made a conscious decision that day to make an effort to make the most of my situation and be happy.  The bargain I struck was that I’d really try, and if on January 1, 1987 I was still miserable, I could pack up and go home.  Until then, I had to make an honest effort to find the good in my life.

I loved living near the beach, so I walked and jogged along the bike path.  I sought out friends, even if they lived an hour away.  I joined the LA County Art Museum, and went to concerts at the Greek Theater even by myself.  I reached out to a woman who lived nearby and worked in my department.  Hope and I are still close, and I miss her every day. 

At the end of my second year in LA my life wasn’t my dream come true, but I experienced firsthand the power and possibility of taking responsibility for my own happiness. 

Here’s the secret:  happiness comes from inside – you own it.  It doesn’t come to you or find you from outside things and circumstances.   

I have a little plaque on my desk that says:  "Life isn’t about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself."  Same thing with happiness.   Happiness doesn’t find you.  You create it for yourself.

If you’re waiting for Mr/Ms Right to make you happy, you’ll wait a lifetime.  If you’re waiting to find your dream job so you can be happy at work, your career will be drudgery.  Let’s face it.  When you’re miserable, everything sucks.  It’s when you’re happy that you will attract a great partner and can appreciate what they have to offer.  When you’re happy you have the self esteem to create your dream job.

It's not a chicken and egg thing.  If you’re not happy today, try this:  decide to be happy and then implement daily practices that help you break the cycle of your glass half-empty outlook.  

Does this sound woo woo?   It is!  And it works.  Are you saying, yeah, Pam, I know this already – this is nothing new.  My response is, yes, this is common sense.  But if you’re not happy ask yourself:  what are you actually doing about it?  What daily actions are you taking?  Or are you sitting back with your arms crossed waiting to feel happy?

Start with small, everyday actions.  Here are some ideas (even for you macho guys):

Practice gratitude.   My fellow Toastmaster, Brett Dupree, had a great quote at our Kirkland Eclectics meeting last week:  “Celebrate the little things in your life, and your life will become one big party. “ So, party on!  Soon you’ll have bigger things to celebrate.

Mantras and positive self talk.  Here’s a great mantra from Fabienne Frederickson of Client Attraction:  “I did not wake up this morning to be mediocre.”  Find a mantra that works for you, write it down and look at it at least twice a day. 

When you catch yourself saying something negative to or about yourself, even inside your head, stop and say something positive instead.  If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, say:  my eyebrows look fabulous today!  Say anything positive you can think of, no matter how trivial it seems.  The key is positive self-talk.

 

Get those endorphins flowing.  Do things that get you moving and lift your mood like walking, yoga, or kickboxing.  Do whatever works for you and whatever you’ll do consistently.

Make the commitment.  If you’ve got a shitty outlook, acknowledge it and take responsibility for creating something better.  It will take persistent and consistent action, but when your mind is in a better place and your outlook is sunnier, you’ll find that your dream partner/job/life begins to come into being.  Embrace and enjoy.