Choose Your Attitude

On New Year’s Eve 1984 I drove into Los Angeles and headed over to Marina del Rey to the corporate apartment my employer rented for my first month in a new city.  I moved from Seattle to LA for a job promotion – I was going to work at headquarters.  At first I was very homesick.  I had moved to LA not knowing anyone, and I was so lonely.  I would walk around the Marina at night and cry.  I missed the green of the Northwest, I missed my friends, I missed the feeling of knowing my way around.  Fortunately I found a great apartment a couple of blocks from Redondo Beach.  But I wasn’t happy.  I hated my job, and I hated everything about LA:  the commute, the smog, the long distances, the heat, the people.

When I sat down for my New Year’s Eve ritual one year later I was a miserable piece of work of my own creation. I had spent the past year actively hating my life.  But I had to admit that I had created this life through my choices.  That night I promised myself that if I was still miserable a year from now, I could go home.  But I would only allow myself to do that if I spent the year sincerely trying to enjoy my life.  Then, if I was still unhappy I could move back to Seattle. 

While LA never became ‘home’ for me, I spent seven years there.  I progressed in my career, made some wonderful friends who are still part of my life today, joined the art museum, started going to movies and concerts, and spent a lot of time walking and jogging at the beach.  I love the ocean at dusk – it’s one thing I still miss. 

The turning point for me was standing up and taking responsibility for my life and the path I had chosen.  Finding the good wasn’t easy at first.  It was so much easier to focus on what I didn’t like – I mean it was right there in my face every day.  It took a lot more effort to seek and create circumstances I enjoyed.

That extra effort paid off in spades.  I moved back to Seattle in late 1991 feeling very empowered. I knew, and I still know, that I am capable of building a great life for myself.

Last week we finalized the sale of my mother’s beautiful house, and she moved into a retirement home where the care she needs and a couple of good friends are close at hand.  On the night before she moved she asked, “what if I don’t like it?”  She was understandably scared.  She had lived in her house for 30 years surrounded by space, light, things she loved, and a quiet and secure neighborhood.  She hadn’t lived in a small, shared-wall apartment since her early 20’s. 

What if she doesn’t like it?  Well, so far she hates it.  There is bound to be a settling in period, and it will probably never feel like home to her.  She feels like she’s living in “God’s waiting room,” although it’s the nicest waiting room we were able to find and afford in the area.  But there’s no going back, there’s only moving forward. 

So we had the talk – you can choose to hate it everyday or you can start to look around for things you like.  It will take her some time to turn her attitude around, and I suppose she’ll come to feel it’s a blessing and a curse to have a daughter who’s a coach to remind her that her feelings and attitude are her own choice.

What about you?  How much responsibility are you taking for your circumstances?  Are you choosing to look for the good or are you taking the easy road and only seeing the bad that’s in your face every day?  I would love to be your guide and support partner when you’re ready to begin creating the life you want.