Deal With Fear

There are some people who crave the adrenalin rush of fear.  They have adventurous hearts that enable them to blast off into space in something that looks like a big tin can or embark on vacations to remote parts of the world with just a passport, credit card, and round trip plane ticket.  On the flip side there are people who spend huge amounts of effort making sure they never feel even a twinge of fear.  They hide, make excuses, and never reach outside their comfort zone for fear that they might be rejected or fail. 

Most of us fall somewhere in between.  We lean towards the adrenalin junkie or the fraidy cat depending on the circumstance, our state of mind, and how badly we want something.  Personally I would never jump off a bridge with a rubber band tied around my ankles, but I’m facing my financial fears while building my own coaching business.  My friend Hope says I’m brave, but she actually did bungee jump off a bridge during a trip to Africa.  Bravery comes in lots of different flavors.

Like most things, fear isn’t all good or all bad.  When is fear a good thing?  When it saves your life.  Fear will inspire you to call the doctor right away if you feel a lump that shouldn’t be there.  When is fear a bad thing?  When it keeps you from pursuing your dreams, standing up for yourself, or making needed changes in your life.  As Mark Twain said:  “I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened.”  

If you’re feeling that your life is drifting too much towards the fraidy cat side of the scale, check out a great book:  Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway, or put this acronym somewhere where you’ll see it every day:

F antasized

E vents

A ppearing

R eal

Are you finding yourself getting braver as you get older or more timid?  On the one hand as we get older we have a ton of knowledge and life experience that enables us to overcome obstacles and deal with setbacks so much better than when we were young.  On the other hand, there’s often more at stake so things like changing careers, relocating to another city, or changing a relationship feel riskier than they would have 20 years ago.

When you feel that fear is holding you back, ask that age-old question:  what’s the worst that could happen?  But don’t just ask it once, drill down a few times.  Then see if there’s any learning or steps you can take to keep that worst case scenario from occurring.

What’s the worst that could happen?  I’ll flub up my big presentation. 

What’s the worst that could happen then?  The client will lose interest.

What’s the worst that could happen then?  I’ll lose the sale and not make my quota for the month. 

What action can I take to make sure this doesn’t happen?  Practice my presentation multiple times and have friends grill me.  Have another prospect lined up so I can still make my quota.

Don’t let that lame example stop you from giving this process a try next time you find yourself hesitating, procrastinating, or feeling afraid to take action.

Ruling out scenarios that are life threatening, don’t run away from fear.  Instead, recognize it for what it is:  a hardwired protective instinct that can increase your chances of success by making you more alert and better prepared.

Succumbing to fears is often a symptom of low self esteem.  If you want to take action to turn that around, take a risk and reach past your comfort zone.  Start small, but be brave. We’re always scared by new experiences, but when we go ahead even though we’re afraid, the payoff is increased confidence and a feeling of accomplishment no matter what the outcome.

I’m here to help you.  Contact me for a free 30 minute introductory coaching session, and let’s get you moving towards your dream.