What If

When our inner Risk Manager is on the job, we think through various ‘what if’ scenarios.  What if xyz can’t deliver their project on time?  What if I get laid off?  What if my new job doesn’t work out?  What if he/she finds someone else?  What if, what if, what if.

Why is our inner Risk Manager is always looking at the downside?  Part of the value of that role, I suppose, is to prepare us for the worst-case scenario.  As with many businesses, though, we listen to Risk Management but we seldom take action on what it says.  We just add one more thing to our ‘worry about’ list. 

But putting it on our ‘worry about’ list doesn’t qualify as action.  It’s just a cycle of non-productive circular thinking.  We seldom lay out a plan or decide what to do to prevent or lessen the impact of what we’re worrying about.  We just fret and stew.

A few years ago after my Dad died my Mom started really worrying about me. If I didn’t call her for a few days she’d leave me voicemails telling me she was worried about me.  When cell phones were new I was talking to her standing in line at the cash register at Nordstrom.  Our connection got dropped, so I tried calling her back.  Her line was busy for the next 15 minutes.  When I finally got hold of her she was in hysterics thinking that someone had mugged me.  She had been frantically calling my brothers and her friends trying to find someone who would advise her what to do.  Luckily no one was home.  Over time I began to see two underlying reasons for her worry:  she was expressing love in a motherly way (even though I was 45 at the time), and she was afraid of being alone.

I recently heard someone say that to worry was to pray for something bad to happen.  Putting that energy out into the universe just gives it strength.  Think about that next time you indulge in a worry fest.  What are you giving strength to?  What do you worry about, and what might be the underlying issues or causes of that worry?  If you’re playing out horrible ‘what if’ scenarios in your mind, what action can you take to prepare, prevent, or lessen the impact of those various scenarios?

Better yet, how about playing a positive ‘what if’ game?  What if you lose the weight?  What if you get your dream job?  What if your idea turns out to be a money-maker?  Don’t indulge in fantasies like, what if I win the lottery.  Think about things that you can take action to manifest.  (By action I mean more than just buying a lottery ticket.)

If negative ‘what iffing’ puts bad energy out into the universe, positive ‘what iffing’ puts positive energy out into the universe.

Using this technique is a great way to get in touch with how it will feel after you take action to make your dream come true.  Close your eyes and allow yourself to indulge in the vision.  What will it look like, what will you feel like?  Use this awareness to motivate you to take action and stay on course as your work to make your dreams come true. 

Marcia Wieder, America’s Dream Coach^®, says “Intention is one of the most powerful forces in life.  Without it we can sometimes stray without meaning or direction in our lives.  But with it, all the forces of the universe can align to make even the most impossible, possible.”

What if you took action to make your dreams come true?  What if you dared to imagine your dream life?  Even if you feel like you’re standing at the bottom of a deep, dark well with no way to get out (been there…), go ahead and indulge in positive ‘what ifs.’  It only takes small steps to begin and will yield better results than your worry fest.

Earlier this year I was trained and certified by Marcia to coach her proven ten step process, Making Your Dreams Come True^®.  If you’d like to learn more, contact me for a free introductory session. 

Activity vs Accomplishment

First thing each morning I have a little ritual.  I read the front pages of CNN and People and my Facebook and LinkedIn pages before going to the Seattle Times to read the headlines, then do the crossword puzzle, Jumble, and Sudoku.  After that it’s over to the Seattle P-I to do the Sudoku and crossword puzzle.  Depending on the day of the week (and therefore the degree of difficulty of the puzzles), this can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour.  I cozy up in my PJs with the hot cup of coffee and settle in.

When I first started working for myself at home, I actually felt like I had done something after I had gotten through it all.  Doing all those puzzles required brain power, and once they were done I felt a sense of completion and felt I deserved a break.

It took me a few months to figure out that this misplaced focus wasn’t helping build my coaching business.   Different personal practices were needed.  Now I get up, make coffee, read the headlines, do the puzzles, then get dressed, make the bed, and it’s time to start work.  I no longer confuse doing the puzzles with value-added work.

How about you?  Are you super busy, swamped in fact, but not getting anywhere?  The first time I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey I was really struck by the distinction between ‘urgent’ and ‘important.’  I know I wasn’t alone in having missed this important distinction.  And it’s getting harder!  In our current environment of 24/7 email, phone, and instant message full-frontal access, we feel obligated to be plugged in and respond RIGHT NOW to every communique we receive and to even initiate communications just for the sake of communicating because it makes us feel connected and important.

It’s also a bit of an addiction and definitely a way to distract ourselves from doing something new, or challenging.  Like my puzzles.  I could feel like I had accomplished something, but it was really blatant  procrastination – a distraction from doing the really important but scary stuff like  going to networking events, selling, and marketing my coaching services.

I’ll bet a lot of us could be less busy and create more space in our jobs and our lives for the important things – the things that matter most to us – if we stepped back and got clear about the distinction between urgent and important, and better utilized our time by not confusing activity with accomplishment.

Seth Godin had a great post on his blog last December about the worst and most ineffective boss we’ll ever have: ourselves.   Check it out:

Seth Godin - The world's worst boss

One way to dig yourself out of this corner can be summed up in one word:  impact.  What is the impact of your activities on your goals?  My goal is to grow a thriving coaching business that helps people create the life and career of their dreams.  What impact is an hour of doing puzzles having on that goal?  None, zip, zero, nil.  It’s relaxing and gets my mind working in the morning, so I don’t deprive myself, but I also no longer confuse that activity with accomplishment.  I also have a really long To Do list, but I now put that list through the filter of the goals I have for this ‘growing’ stage of my business.  The questions I ask are all about impact not about how quickly I could cross lots of little urgent-ish, but not important things off my list leaving only one or two monster tasks.  It’s those monster tasks that will have the most impact and are therefore the most important.

Try this approach at home or at work if you’re having a hard time creating space for what matters.   If you need help, give me a buzz.

Make Time for Happiness

There are times when nothing seems to be going our way.  During those high-stress times, which are hopefully infrequent, we need an anchor to help us ride out the storm. When you’re in rough water it’s really important to make time for the things in your life that make you happy.  Nothing reduces stress like laughter and joy, even if it’s only for few minutes.

Josh, a friend and former teammate is crazy about his wife and two beautiful little girls.  There’s no question that his family is his number one priority.  Josh therefore arranges his work schedule so he can be home in time to have dinner and play with his girls in the evening.  If he’s in the ‘heavy lifting’ phase of a project and has more work than he can get done in a day, he’ll jump back online for a couple of hours after the girls go to bed.  Josh knows what makes him happy.  Carving out the time to make sure those activities are included in his day – every day – no matter how busy is part of why he was (and I imagine still is) such a joy to work with no matter how hot the pressure cooker gets at work.

Do you know what makes you happy?  Do you know what matters most to you?  Do you consciously arrange your day and create space in your life for joy, laughter, and the activities and people who bring you happiness?

I speak with so many people who get teary-eyed when I ask these questions.  The surface answer is ‘no.’  The underlying issues usually fall into two categories: 

v    People are out of touch with what matters and what makes them happy.

v    People aren’t appropriately setting boundaries because they don’t believe they deserve to be happy, they feel the needs of others are more important, or they’re afraid of the consequences.

A few years ago I hired a project manager from another group within Washington Mutual.  Before she joined my team she was managing six different projects – a couple of which were very large and complex. When she came to work for me I assigned her to manage one project, but it had to be flawlessly executed since it impacted every deposit transaction in every branch.  After a couple of weeks she didn’t know what to do with herself.  It took her about 3 months to figure out that I wasn’t going to fire her if she didn’t work 8 – 9 hours a day in the office and then go home and work another 4 hours.  Over the years her health had suffered from this harried lifestyle, but after a few months of a reasonable schedule she got a dog and started going out for walks after dinner.  Her health and outlook on life improved, as did the quality of her work.   Everything about her got lighter because she made time for happiness in her days.  She had felt that she would be fired from her previous job if she declined taking on new projects, and I applaud her for taking the initiative to make a change.

Do you wish you were like Samantha on Bewitched?  Just wiggle your nose and change your circumstances or transport yourself to a different space and time.  Sorry, real life doesn’t work that way.  But you can decide what matters most, know what makes you happy, and then begin to arrange your life to get more of those things into your days.  It can be scary to think you might need to change your current circumstances.  Don’t feel like you have to jump off a bridge.  Start by making a list of what matters and what makes you happy, even if you can only think of three things.  Add to it as you think of more.  You can then begin to carve out some time each day to feed your soul and re-set some boundaries, if needed.

If this is hard for you or you feel burned out beyond recovery, a coach like me can help.  I offer complimentary consultations that can give you a boost.  Send me a note, and let’s get started.

http://www.transitionsparkcoaching.com/Contact.html

Goal Setting From the Inside Out

I’ve been journaling more lately.  It’s a great way to get clear on what I want, how I’m doing, and what I’m feeling.  Since it’s approaching another monthend and almost halfway through the year I sat down this morning with a hot cup of coffee to do a check-in on how I’m doing towards my business and personal goals.  It turns out I’m doing OK in some respects, not so OK in others. 

‘Not so OK in others’ requires an action plan, so on goes my ‘professional planner’ hat, out comes the graph paper (so neat and orderly), and I started writing under the heading:  What Do I Need To Do To Get Back On Track.  Tasks, resources needed, dependencies, timeline, work breakdown structure, blah, blah, blah.  But it was the same blah, blah that I write down (on graph paper) every time I ask myself, What Do I Need To Do To Get Back On Track. 

The list always seems to include:  eat a healthy breakfast, 30 minutes of cardio every day, go to bed and get up at a consistent time, better meal planning, network more, engage in more marketing activities, and finish the revisions to my website based on the feedback from my readers (www.transitionsparkcoaching.com - and no, it’s not revised yet).

I’m a great project manager.  It seems to be in my blood.  It worked for me in a corporate environment when there was something to be done, resources to rally, and a vision to communicate, but it doesn’t work so well when applied to myself.  Am I too close to the action?  There’s definitely something missing (besides a great team to help).

So instead of asking, ‘What do I need to do to reach my goals?’ I asked, ‘Who do I need to be to reach my goals?’  Wow!  I got a completely different set of answers and a new focus. 

v    I need to be someone who walks their talk. 

v    I need to be someone who knows where they’re headed but lives, as Dale Carnegie says, in ‘day-tight compartments.’ How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

v    I need to be brave and not afraid to put myself out there – I mean what’s the worst that could happen.  

v    I need to be someone who embraces the school of hard knocks as the best way to learn and grow. 

v    I need to be positive, forward looking, and forward thinking.

My first mentor coach said, doing come from being.  When I think about my heroes, I’m drawn to people not because of what they did, but because of who they are (or were).  Oprah Winfrey is probably on a lot of people’s heroes list, and she’s on mine because she learned over the years that the path to abundance and prosperity comes from being authentic and true to yourself.  Eleanor Roosevelt is one of my heroes not just because of all she accomplished, but because of the person she became through the adversity of her difficult marriage. 

So take out a piece of paper (grids are optional), write down your top three goals and why they’re important to you, then write down who you have to be as a person to reach these goals.  Hopefully you’ll then see Project You in a new and different light.  This works for both personal and professional goals.  If you want to get a promotion at work, don't just think about what you need to do to reach that goal, also think about who you need to be; e.g., someone who speaks up and contributes ideas during meetings, someone who volunteers to handle a difficult assignment, someone who mentors new hires.

Of course, if you’d like a brainstorm or accountability partner, I’d be honored to support you.

My business, TransitionSpark Coaching, has reached it’s one year milestone.  Thank you and a big hug to all of my wonderful clients – present and past – and all of you who read this blog each week.  I’m working on some exciting new activities including publication of my first e-book, 7 Steps To A Power-Packed Resume™, which will be available as a free download from my website in early June.  Can’t wait!

Seeds of Change

In my May 9 post titled PassionQuest, I outlined three ways to connect with your passion.  Ask yourself:

v    What am I passionate about doing?

v    Who am I passionate about being?

v    What makes my blood boil?

I love all these questions, but the last one surprises many people – what makes my blood boil.  People tell me they had never thought of this as a way to surface passion, and it scares the daylights out of them.  Even to think about things that enrage us – issues, injustices, cruelties – is scary and also heart breaking.  We don’t want to get too close, and we definitely don’t want to deepen our connection or bring more into our daily lives. 

I’m not advocating that you become a walking vessel of rage; but I believe those feelings are within you for a reason, and one of those reasons is to spark you to action.  Does that intimidate you?  Like climbing Mt. Everest – a great accomplishment for people with the desire, fortitude and funding, but not for you. After all how can you, one person, heal the environment, eradicate cruelty to animals, and change cultures that treat women as second-class citizens or property. (OK – those are my three…)  What can one little person do?

Margaret Mead said:  “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Don’t ignore the issues that are really painful for you, but don’t torture yourself with them either.  If you get enraged by cruelty to animals, you don’t have to become someone who breaks up dog fighting rings unless you’re one of those rare and wonderful people who are cut out for that type of work.  Search for other things you can do to find that sweet spot of making a difference in a way that feeds your own spirit.

Utilize your strengths and resources.  What are you cut out to do?  If you have financial means, contribute.  If you’re an entrepreneur with a big network, raise awareness and money.  If you have some extra time, volunteer. 

Become Johnny Appleseed:  sow seeds and inspire. Do you care passionately about the environment?  Check out this great website, www.whatcanonepersondo.com.  This site provides great resources and ideas on things individuals like you and I can do to help the environment.  It’s run by “everyday people who work during the week and do normal things like go to the beach on weekend.”   What ideas does this site spark for action on a cause that matters to you?  In what ways can you, an everyday person, become a resource for others who want to take action but don't know what to do?

It’s not always about the money.  Well, OK, money is sometimes a help, but not everyone is Bill Gates.  Not everyone has billions of dollars to throw at an issue, and not all issues are solved by money.  My friend, Michele, is a fan of Anthony Bourdain.  While filming an episode of his tv show in Haiti, he saw so many hungry children hanging around the street food carts and wanted to help.  So he bought out one of the food carts for the day so he could give these people food.  A riot ensued with the larger, more powerful kids beating out the smaller kids.  The situation escalated out of control, and he was horrified and heart broken.  He then interviewed Sean Penn who helped him understand that these people don’t need a one-time infusion of money.  What they need is people rolling up their sleeves working side by side doing things like building housing and digging sewage trenches.  Money doesn’t solve everything.  There is a growing number of volunteer vacation organizations where you and perhaps your family or group of friends can make a difference with your own hands.

If there are issues that you’re passionate about, swallow hard and face down your fear.  Stretch a bit past your comfort zone, and get in the game.  Starting with small steps is just fine - who knows where they’ll lead you?  With commitment and consistency you’ll be walking your talk, and what could be better for both you and for your cause. 

PassionQuest

A recurring theme I hear from new coaching clients is the absence of passion in their lives.  We often start out talking about how their careers aren’t as fulfilling anymore, but eventually the conversation leads to an overall lack of passion.  We’ve gotten so busy and harried that we don’t make time to do the things that matter most to us.  Any free time we have gets eaten up with chores, errands, and tending to the needs and desires of others.  When was the last time you felt a rush of passion? I used this quote from Socrates last week, but it bears repeating:  Beware the barrenness of a busy life.

I believe our passions are always part of us, an internal fire.  But like any fire, if not tended to it will die down until it just becomes embers.  If I were to ask, what are you passionate about - what really stokes your fire - what would you say?  And how long would it take you to come up with that answer?  Would you worry that your answer wasn’t good enough – or enough enough?

If you’re out of touch, consider embarking on a PassionQuest.  Identify something that you love or at least something that sparks an interest and bring more it into your everyday life. This is an excellent practice for making room for new dreams or even discovering your dream job. Do something you’ve never done, or do something you truly enjoy.  The goal here is to uncover something about yourself, something new perhaps, or something forgotten.  Don’t assume you know.  Play detective.  Turn this into a personal practice, and your passion will begin to burn brighter and you’ll feel that sense of ‘aliveness’ which may have been missing.

Start by asking:

What am I passionate about doing?

Perhaps you love to cook.  You could spend hours in the kitchen if you had the time.  Clear a couple of hours on your weekly calendar and sign up for a cooking class.  You may find new dimensions to your love of cooking.  You may become fascinated by the challenge of using only local, seasonal ingredients, or how food can be used as a cure for certain diseases.  You could ignite a desire to start a cooking club or to teach others how to cook.  Where could you go from there?

Who am I passionate about being? 

You love to read about politics, and you’re so interested in how the actions of elected officials impacts our lives.  You may begin by attending some local neighborhood or city council meetings, but you soon decide that you want participate rather than just observe. Biographies of famous elected officials often begin with a passion for being one of the people who are sitting at the table rather than in the audience. 

And my favorite, what makes my blood boil?

The answer to this question can be very helpful because passion doesn’t always reveal itself as bliss or happiness.  Identifying something that enrages you is sometimes easier to access – it’s closer to the surface. For example, you may get enraged by cruelty to animals.  This may inspire you to volunteer at the local Humane Society.  But as you keep following this thread you may discover that your passion is bigger than animals.  You may find that what really makes your blood boil is abuse of defenseless victims.  This could take you down a road towards becoming an advocate, a voice for any victim who doesn’t have one.

The point isn’t where you end up – hopefully that becomes a lifelong journey.  The point is to start.  Find something that matters to you so much that you have to act upon it and follow that thread, take consistent action no matter how small, and remain open to what your heart tells you along the way.

As that famous 1990’s pop group said:  Spice up your life! Need help brainstorming?  Call me – this is one of my favorites! 

Root Cause Analysis

I saw this quote from Mike Dooley (http://www.inspirationpeak.com/) last week, and I was struck by how much wisdom could be contained in so few words.

You can only ever be scared, when you believe in limits. 


You can only ever feel lonely, when you stop doing things.

You can only ever become bored, when you no longer follow your heart.

And you can only ever get overwhelmed, when you think the illusions are real.

Whew!  Who knew it could be so easy to get back on track? 



Which of these statements resonate most with you?

You can only ever be scared, when you believe in limits.

I saw a new tv show last week, Extreme Couponing.  People were clipping coupons to the point of getting hundreds of dollars of groceries for a few dollars.  It takes hours of detailed planning and resulted in the stockpiling of huge amounts of food and other household items.  It struck me that all this stuff made them feel safe because they were so afraid of scarcity.  The people featured had been impacted by job losses, so getting the most from their money was important.  But I still felt it was a mix of gluttony or greed and hoarding wrapped around a game of getting as much as possible for as little as possible. A continued focus on scarcity just invites more fear.  I wondered, would these people ever have enough to feel safe again?

You can only ever feel lonely, when you stop doing things.

Humans are hard wired to live in communities.  Unlike tigers, bears, and skunks, joining forces with others was a key to our survival as a species.  In many ways, it still is.  But we also choose to live in communities not only to survive, but also to thrive.  Recent world events such as the changes in the Middle East show the power of community while the frenzy over the British royal wedding shows the joy we get from feeling a connection with people we don’t even know and never will.  After a year and a half of working at home by myself I learned the hard way that I have to consciously reach out to connect with others.  While you can feel lonely even in a crowd, next time you’re feeling this way, head out to the coffee shop or the bookstore, or engage in an activity such as a sport, and stop using your computer as a substitute for true connection.

You can only ever become bored, when you no longer follow your heart.

A new client said last week that she felt so out of touch with her own passion that she can’t even remember what makes her happy.  Socrates said, “Beware the barrenness of a busy life.”  To reconnect with your heart, you need to create space in your life - not just time, although that’s the key first step, but also loving energy.  Forgive yourself for dreams not yet acknowledged, and promise that you’ll start listening to your heart.  Journal, meditate, or go for a walk.   

And you can only ever get overwhelmed, when you think the illusions are real.

Are you adopting someone else’s opinion of you?  Are you currently in a job that isn’t a good fit?  We’ve all at some point been in a situation that didn’t play to our strengths or found ourselves suddenly working for someone who had a different vision following an organization change.  Buying into someone else’s negative opinion of you can lead to your not doing your best that justifies a worse opinion.  It’s a vicious cycle that leads to questioning your own capabilities.  But you know in your heart you’d perform better in a job that suited you more so run, don’t walk, to find that opportunity.  Don’t buy into the illusion of someone else’s opinion.  Look inside for your truth.

As I’ve been writing this, it seems the overarching theme is:  take the reins.  Create your own opportunities and don’t buy into perceived limitations or other people’s opinions, seek meaningful connections with others, dig deep to get beyond habit and ‘shoulds’ to listen to your heart, and decide for yourself what is real and true for you.